The Soldier, The Child and The Dog by Helio J Cordeiro - Short, Drama - A soldier during WWI learns that sometimes what we see isn’t enough to understanding what is indeed happening. - pdf, format 8)

I've just read this and this seems very interesting. Is this part of a bigger script you are writing?
It starts off with a slow and mundane mood and I mean that in a good way, you portray this picture of desolation and it serves well.

There are a couple of moments that need going over, however.
I dont think you wrote the POV the way it is meant to be, I think it should be more like a scene heading.
When we get to the discovery of the child, you dont describe it as a him or her. There is no age either so it is confusing. Moving along, and you desribe how the soldier has the child in a cradle. I think this child is in fact a baby and you really need to alter this.

You keep the mood right up until the climax at the end which I found to be pretty surprising and quite shocking considering the previous pace you had written at.
I dont know why he hesitated shooting the dog however, but its a good job he did!

All in all, I found this to be refreshing and different. Very short but good.

Well, Scoob, I didn't think to transform this piece in a feature, however, if you think it should be, right, it is free for your disposal, if you want a partnership , of course.

This was a pretty well done piece of work, Helio.  I felt that this was a perfect situational short and you stayed true to the style that you chose to wrote it in.  Kudos.  The story does start off a little slow but by the ending I felt pretty satisfied with the outcome.

SPOILER

The ending was by far the best part of this piece because you threw in a little twist which built up a little intensity in the story, but it was good to see that it was a happy ending.

As stated before, it's good that you stuck with a style(i.e. no dialogue), and if this was something over 10 pages then it would be a pain to read.  Be careful with how you experiment with this though because then you're just relying on your action description, and that could be a risk.

Had a fair beginning, a strong middle, and a fantastic ending.  Good job!

Wow! Greg! As you have seen in others short scripts, I've tryed to do my best, bud. Sometimes I slipped out, but I've tryed...Thanks for your comments!

It is just to notify you that this short script was optioned (yesterday) and will be filmed in Oregon when the snow has coming!

I'm so happy and I'd like to divide my hapiness with you all!

Helio

Im not too sure what optioned means , but it must be pretty good so well done and congratulations.

All the best!

Hey guys I reviewing my near 40 short scripts and I forgot to say that this script unfortunatly wasn't filmed anymore. The guy from Oregon never send me back any news about it and I became so sorry about it so it is free again to anyone who be interested to film it. Now I'm think to divide it with someone.


And Scoob I'm sorry did not respond you, dude.

Helio, mi amigo, that sucks.  Lo siento por que ese es una cuenta fantastica!

I'm pretty sure I got alot of that wrong since my Spanish is rusty, but sorry to hear that because this was an excellent story.  

At least now it's back on the market!

Quoted from greg ...una cuenta fantastica!

Greg, this had better not mean what I think it does....

I'm watching you, boy....

Helio,

SPOILERS:

This was a nice little script and I’m glad you let the baby and the dog survive. I was worried there for a while

This was a touching and sad story.

If you want me to elaborate just let me know. I’m a little tired from the horse shows this weekend so I might come across as too short.

And yeah, Rodrigo Pessoa is all the girl’s favorite.

Pia

Thanks, Pia for reading it. I know the people like when we accuse the reviews receiving. He I'm.

Kevan's father said it was a old Swedish tale and I don't know how should I heard about it here in a tropical country. Maybe it came with the Germans or if it was very old tale it could came with the Oranges, oh, the Dutchs to Brazil. I heard about that tale when I was young by someone.

I thought in a very strong white snowed European outdoors, a type of white that hurted our eyes, something the ressembled the landscape of FARGO by Joel & EthanCoen and directed by Joel Coen.

Anyway tales is tales and run, run around the planet wearing differents versions according of these cultures. I loved to write it and was very sad when I knew that the guy from Oregon did not tell about it anymore.

Helio,

I'm not 100% sure what you just said there, but if that's an old Swedish fable, I have never heard it before.

Now I'm so confuse. Will Kevan's father said Swedish or Danish fable? I have to ask him again, kid.

"I thought in a very strong white snowed European outdoors, a type of white that hurted our eyes, something the ressembled the landscape of FARGO by Joel & EthanCoen and directed by Joel Coen."

It was if I just was to film it, got it?

thanks
Helio

PS I replied your email!

http://www.pitt.edu/~dash/type0178a.html#aesop

Aesop did it!

The tale has been converted into many different languages and has become an ancient Urban Legend.

These days it is almost always a wolf.

A famous version of the tale concerns Prince Llewellyn, which is extremely similar to your story.

That can also be found on that website above.

Yeah, thanks DF@37.com for the reference.

Maybe Kevan's father told Wales. Anyway I hope I did it a touching movie scriptwriting.

By the way, what did you think about my script?

It's good.

It feels very filmic, with nice opening visuals etc.

Had I not recognised the story-line I would be a lot more effusive about it.

There were two slight problems with it:

1. The fact that he buries the bodies in broad daylight when we have already seen that German troops are in the area!

It is highly implausible. Perhaps instead he could wrap them in a blanket and put them under the floorboards or something.

2. Why does the dog suddenly accept him at the end? It has been angry at him all the way through, but seems to calm down when he lowers his rifle.

It would make sense if it was a human, but I doubt that the dog would understand the relevance of the gun.

Maybe he could carefully put the baby back in the cradle whilst still holding the gun, and then offer the dog a rabbit leg or something to gain it's trust?

Just a suggestion.

Thanks for the review, DF@37.com

I'll take your suggestion seriously, but I'm not sure about what realy happen inside a dog mind. What I know is that most of police dogs (or dogs police?) can regonise danger situations. Doesn't matter, it is another discussion. I appreciated your points, dude.

Thanks again for your words.

BTW, what you have written? Let me know in order to repay your review, but I worn you that my reviews are not any masterpieces!

Hey Kev, amazing to know that the tales run around the planet keeping differents culture together in certain way. Thanks for the reading, Everton boy!