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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board  /  Short Scripts  /  Buck's Burger
Posted by: Don, November 16th, 2005, 10:25pm
Buck's Burger by Helio J Cordeiro - Short, Drama, Suspense - Buck’s Burger success has two names: creativity and love but not necessarily in this order. - pdf, format 8)
Posted by: spencerforhire, November 17th, 2005, 12:22pm; Reply: 1
Helio

I alway enjoy reading your stuff. This one was hard to follow. Seems it jumped to fast through progression.

The f*** thing. Well, I would have used the word sex instead. Not that I am a prude, it just isn't so hard. Ha Ha.

That didn't stop me from reading the line : He swallowed his snore then snored again. I wondered how can you swallow a snore. Left me pondering. I know what you meant. So much detail is not needed. All you need to say is he snored hard. Let the cinematographer make the call on what hard means.

I'm sorry I could finish this one it seemed to lose my interest. Keep writing and I will keep reading.

Coming Soon: BANKER BOY
Posted by: Helio, November 17th, 2005, 8:37pm; Reply: 2
Your comments are always well come because they are very important and constructive. I wont to find any excuse like "well my bad English..." in order to defend myself, but believe me it has been so dificult to deal with. Anyway thanks a lot Spencer!

PS I like your comment about f...I mean Sex. Very funny!
Posted by: Helio, November 20th, 2005, 11:23am; Reply: 3
Hi guys! It is just to say all of you that I've optioned this script to an Austrian student.
Posted by: -Ben-, November 22nd, 2005, 2:51am; Reply: 4
Interesting...

In some parts, the dialougue was messed up. Not bad, just mixed around. But i guess thats nothing really big. That was an interesting read. Not to repeat, but with the fuck thing, when spencerforhire mentioned it, (before i read it) i had no idea what he was tlaking about.Then i read it. The character ((Isabeel and Buck) wouldn't have called it "fucking" so many times, im sure they would have just called it sex more. eg.
"Just because we had a fuck?" should eb "Just because we had sex" or soemthing, more to reflect the characters, rather than ramdom vulgarity.

But the script was good. Very interesting. it would be cool to see what the Aussie did with the script...
Posted by: Helio, November 22nd, 2005, 8:14am; Reply: 5
Yeah, you are right about "Just because we had a...", but I hadn't time to change it, even so the Austrian (Markus) opnitioned it. May be he will change that part.

I hope he does a good work with it as well as the Australian with The News script.

Thanks you guys!
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