Route 19 by Sean Elwood - Short - Picking up a hitchhiker isn't all that safe, but what happens when the hitchhiker ends up disappearing? Robert Charleston picks up a mysterious wanderer on Route 19 who seems to have a few secrets kept with her. Soon, Robert finds out the terrifying truth. - doc, format 8)

Sean

I must say a good story. It had a good beginning and you tied it all together in the end.

You have potential and I see a bit of the same in me. I tend to want to right to much detail in my scripts. Must be a control thing. Or we just want perfection. I vote for the latter.

In the opening you had a phone call between Robert and his wife. He said he would be home in couple of hours. It didn't seem he was home within a couple of hours because of his detour with Jesse. In real life the wife would have been calling and wondering. And asking who he was with. You missed an opportunity for some drama through jealousy.

I liked your script and look forward to reading more.

Make it a great day,

Spencer

This story needs serious polishing.

The basic concept is intriguing, but the dialogue is over-expository, and ruins the experience.  Furthermore, the end left me unsatisfied.  Not only do I not understand the explanation, but there are no tied-up loose ends.  It's as though the film anounces "It was a ghost!" and assumes that is a good enough surprise ending.  That worked in bad camp stories; it doesn't work in modern tales.  What does the hero do?  DOes he go try to help the ghost?  Does he go after her again?  What's the consequence of the ghost?

As I said, it's a good concept, but it needs brushing.

Does the writer know that there is an old urban legend about picking up a dead hitch-hiker?? There are like 500 different versions of it in various books.

The ending was good though. The whole script was worth reading for the final couple of lines. Eerie.

THECHILLMAN - Out

Okay, I've got a lot to say, but I will condense it to a paragraph or two on what I liked and what I didn't.

I'll start here with the bad news. Bad news... I saw everything before it happened. You know exactly how it is gonna' end, and what happens. The repairman was the first to encounter her... Yeah... I saw that when he got in that big story, and the girl being dead. I saw it coming...

All in all I liked your script, but I was bugged by the fact that I knew everything that happened before I began reading it. You might want to write it over again, and change some of the things that happen. Maybe make it a little longer...

I guess this gets a 3/5...

You are lucky it is a good one...

But one thing... It doesn't sound original. I have read a lot of scripts like this. I've been visiting this site for a while but just recently joined. It sounds like at least 5 scripts I read.

But it was good. Good job... I look forward to more of your work.

Brian Winters- BigBadBrian