A Shattering Revelation by Stanley Heisler - Short, Romance, Drama - A young, talented musician falls in love with a beautiful singer at school and soon finds that the castle that he has built for the girl of his dreams, comes tumbling down with a shattering crash. - rtf, format 8)

This was great! And with such a surprising ending!

I liked your descriptions, which helped me picture everything in my head perfectly, and the characters were great and rounded out. The dialogue was good and the format is awesome. This was really well written. Good job!

Sean

Okay, first off let me say that this, for the most part, was a pretty well written script.  You had good grammer and spelling and your format was pretty good(which is a reward upon itself, considering some scripts on this site).

Now, the whole thing felt rushed.  This script could easily be much much longer with more character development, and all for the better.  I mean think about it, he meets a girl, 5 seconds later asks her out, and before you know it they're in the park kissing like their in love.  I'm not saying its impossible, just a stretch.

I also liked your descriptions.  They were short and sweet, which is what I have trouble with myself.  But you could tone down a little bit.  All the descriptions of the park could very easily have been scruntched down into one sentance and we would have still gotten the point.

Also, I think you would include "Later" in the slugline.  Like this...

INT. NEW YORK COLLEGE OF MUSIC

Students walk around the crowded halls.

INT. SCHOOL CONCERT HALL - LATER

In fact, you probably don't even need the "later" there.  The scene change can justify a time change.

The one line VO from David could possibly be left out.

Finally, the twist.  Now, I commend you for putting in a twist and trying to make things interesting but it seems out of place.  A good twist fits in with the context of the story.  In other words, I need some kind of tangible evidence so that when the twist comes I think to myself, "Oh man.  It all makes sense now."  Yours just seemed completely random and something just thrown in there so you could end your story.

But like I've said, this was a good script.  Now, take what you have, expound on your ideas and you'll have yourself a great little short here.  :)

T.I.N.