I've started writing this screenplay and I'm not sure it is going to work out to the original idea that i had intended.

the initial idea of the story was school nerd commits a "Colombine-type school shooting."

heres the rundown

our nerd, Josh has been beat up his whole life starting from his father and on

hes in high school and he's being punked by three jocks (Ryan, robby, steve) the constantly taunt and torment him.... they make him do their math homework and steal his lunch money

when the story starts however... Josh is starting to be defiant.... josh nearly takes an asswhipping when he doesnt have Ryan (the leader of the jocks) homework on time. ryan wants consolation - $ josh says he has none. just when he is about to get his ass kicked. Ryan's girlfriend Alyssa shows up. by this time class has started and the jocks head off to class. alyssa tells josh he's lucky. josh pulls his wallet out loaded with bills and buys a soda.

in josh's mind the beatings he took from his dad were way worse then the jocks could ever do to him....

josh and alyssa share history class together..and as fate would have it...the two are paired for a History report together. as the days go by - alyssa is facinated by josh's inner strength and bravery...and josh begins to confide his demons in alyssa.

They fall for eachother.. josh loses his virginity to alyssa.

the history report ends....soon after alyssa tells josh they can't see eachother anymore...Alyssa tells Ryan everything.

the jocks jump josh after school and beat him so bad they nearly kill him.

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thats basically what i have so far..... would it be too drastic if josh showed up with a gun at school and started killing jocks? does their need to be more?

i kind of see all the characters as stereotypes man. Just the actions they do such as "making some do your homework. There are a$$holes at my high school. Some are pretty much scum. But in large public high schools they dont bother.

most kids in public schools are sterotypes.... i mean its so superfical

They don't do many movies like this, your idea isn't original but what is? So that behind us let me say yes people are stereotypes but to a certain point.

Everybody is the same when cut off from a group, you see cool kids make fun of you when people are around but when those guys are gone and it's just you and him... nothing.

I found that all the mental torture I took through public/high school all those people could co-exist with me when they weren't with their friends and I bet that's true for anybody.

My only comment is that you should never use the term "the leader of the jocks"  its just annoying.

but whatever you choose, good luck.

Quoted from Higgonaitor My only comment is that you should never use the term "the leader of the jocks"  its just annoying.

I agree. It's been over done many times with over teen movies.

scrap it? or go a different direction

I'd seriously think about the idea, if you think you have enough of a story for 90 pages try it and if it fails at least you gave it a shot and that's how you learn.

It would be a really weird change if he all of a sudden brought a gun to school and killed the jocks. First, he's a really nerdy and sounds like a nice guy, and then he shoots three people? Hm, maybe it will surprise the people if he does do that, but you just don't mention him thinking about it, and you can start the movie off with people being questioned at a police station or something, and having flashbacks of what happened. Kind of like in the movie, "Carrie".

Good luck with the script!

Sean

i dont remember carrie starting out that way.

the only problem is you're going to have trouble justfying what lead the nerd to killing. It's best if you have the nerd already dealing with a large set of emotional problem. IF you have it like an underdog driven over the edge to the point of killing some1 in school you're not going to empathize for him anymore.

I suggest you scrap this idea for several reasons:

1.  It's been done to death (pardon the pun).  Bullies pick on little guy.  Little guy gets revenge in the end.  I think you're planning to go a little further with the violence.  A little more graphic.

2.  This is Columbine?  Columbine wasn't about two nerds who were picked on getting revenge.  It's about two social misfits (aka: 'assholes') who realized their lives were worth jack and decided it would be cool to go down in history as mass murderers.

If you're hoping to do a Columbine story, research it and get it right.  The subject is still very sensitive, and writing ninety pages of "You gave me a wedgie in front of my girl; I'll kill you," will suck to Biblical proportions.

3.  Writing something as close to home as this should not be untaken by someone who has not undergone such an incidence.  If someone gave you a wedgie in front of your girl and you killed him, that's different and I apologize.  This would be like writing a script about a mother who who accidentally killed her newborn baby in an alcohol-induced stupor.  Unless you know and understand what she went through, don't write it.  If you think you can imagine what she went through, don't write it.

4.  If you're new to scriptwriting (or story writing for that matter), write a short.  A lot can be done in ten or twenty pages.  It can even be done in under ten.  You'll finish it faster (don't rush it), post oit earlier, and get feedback on it quicker.  Once you find out where your weaknesses are, and have corrected them, then you can move on to feature length scripts.


Phil

Also, check out "Elephant", which came out in 2004 I believe.

It's pretty much Columbine.  Two outcasts devise a plan to shoot up the school and end up doing it.  There's some really crazy stuff in there worth watching, and if memory serves it was only about 85 minutes.

Anyone else see this?

yeah. good movie. i have it. its really hard to get people to watch it though cause they cant sit through the long tracking shots.

people are so used to going to movies and having all of their senses assaulted from mindless explosion movies.

i personally have always had trouble writing shorts. 10 pages? forget it. i wont even get out of the beginning of the setup.

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i like the idea of the nerd getting jock's girlfriend... and then her dumping him and going back to the jock. i think this story can go other places... maybe give the jock some depth of character. keep him the villain...but give him a human quality.... remember the Ed Harris character in "The Rock"?

he was the bad guy... but not a bad guy.... you know what i mean?

Quoted from Herodreamer79 yeah. good movie. i have it. its really hard to get people to watch it though cause they cant sit through the long tracking shots.

ELEPHANT SPOILER


I love how that nerdy girl has a few scenes throughout the movie to get you thinking she's going to play some big part in everything, and then in the library....BLAM!  right in the head.....That was sofa king awesome.  Best part of the movie by far.

SPOILER

what about at the end.... when Alex finds the couple hiding in the freezer and does "eeny meany miney mo"

that was so jacked up...
i watched it carefully... i think he ended on the girl

Quoted from dogglebe   The subject is still very sensitive, and writing ninety pages of "You gave me a wedgie in front of my girl; I'll kill you," will suck to Biblical proportions.

My thoughts put in print.  Kudos to you ohil.

Blondie, Just try something else that is'nt such a fragile topic.  

fragile topic? bahhh

its not like its ever going to get made into a movie anyway....

Quoted from MrBlonde79 fragile topic? bahhh its not like its ever going to get made into a movie anyway....

But you'd be surprised who's looking...

Quoted from MrBlonde79 fragile topic? bahhh its not like its ever going to get made into a movie anyway....

Keep in mind that the subject of a script decides who reads the script here.  These boards are filled with scripts that nobody reads.  I imagine that's extremely frustrating to the authors.


Phil

Quoted from Higgonaitor My only comment is that you should never use the term "the leader of the jocks"  its just annoying.

…and that’s when I fell for…the leader of the jocks. (hehe)


Hey, Mr. Blonde, I have a question and a comment. Why do you want to write this? (Don’t answer that.) In other words, you need to understand the point you’re trying to make. You need to find your motivation. That’s a good place to find the direction you need to go. You don’t need to say it in the thread but you do need to find it within yourself.

The answers to guide you are inside you, Blondie-san.

when you grab the pebble out of breannes hand, only then can you be a true script master.

Enough figures of speech!  Write what we feel, not what we think.
Sorry.  I don't think that made any sense.
I meant, Mr.Blonde, just write the freakin script.  If movies like this http://imdb.com/title/tt0433116/ get made, then, hey, they'll make anything --- probably.

Quoted from Stephen Wegmann Enough figures of speech!  Write what we feel, not what we think.

In this case, you shouldn't write a Columbine-esque film.  If you can't honestly say that you've gone through what some of these people have, you will come off as someone making it up.  This isn't like fantasy or sci-fi or whatever.  When you're basing a story on a real event, you have to be more credible than the guy who travels back in time to see if his great great grandfather is really Jack the Ripper.  You have--hmm....Jack the Ripper....


Phil

I meant we think it's terrible, but we feel it happened a long time ago and we should be able to accept it for what it was; Columbine, that is.  

Or should the "thinks and feel"s be switched around....oh well

Shortly after 9/11, some idiot low budget indy producer posted in nyc.general that he was going to produce a movie based on a story about two strangers who get trapped in rubble after the first tower collapsed.  He said that this would be his third or fourth movie and that he was sure he would capture the truth and the honest feelings of the two.

After a little research, it was learned that his other movies has titles like 'Atomic Bug Monster' and 'Dead Girl Forest.'  While they others movies had their campy movie audience, this would've sucked big time because thte story was over his head.  I feel the same would be here with any Columbine-esque story.


Phil

haha all it takes is a little comment like "i dont care about fragile topics" to get people talking. i'll keep that in mind.... this is a great board.. i just wish there were more posts from people and responses to stuff....

this place is kinda dead sometimes.

anyway... i've been working on this script and it seems to be going in a different direction then the whole "columbine thing" - i think you guys took me a little to literally there though. i should have just said "a school shooting."

i'm actually focusing more on the nerd and his relationship with his Nemisis's girlfriend. its starting to develope into something quite organic.

i'm also making an effort to not Stereo type the jocks by giving them some character depth. i'm taking the "Matt Damon in School Ties" route. one minute you will hate the jocks the next minute you'll feel sorry for them.  

one interesting thing to do is since the nerd got beaten by his father you could have him mirror the bully. something like the bully was beaten and that's why he's violent. also to justify why he gets so angry when his love interest leaves you need to have her help him. If he has some kind of mental problem and she leaves him in the middle helping him, you can understand that he's not right mentally in the first place. This makes an audience approach it more easily rather than a message that ultimately says if you're getting screwed with a gun can always help.
By keeping hte kid a calm nerd who explodes takes away all empathy the audience has to the main character.

keep in mind this is a story i began writing on a whim.. with no treatment and no planning... just the seed of an idea of a school shooting... which at this point in the story may not even happen.

i'm flying by the seat of my pants. its a fun way to write. its going to require some re-tooling when its finished, but hey, what screenplay doesnt?  i am still set on giving this story a really dark ending.

this developing love triangle between josh, alyssa, and ryan has definitely opened up a few new roads i could travel down.

i was thinking about the notion of possibly Alyssa "suspecting" she "may" be pregnant with ryan's kid....and thats the reason she goes back to Ryan at the height of her relationship with josh

this incident would of course be the launching pad for the "dramatic" ending.

Quoted from Herodreamer79 SPOILER what about at the end.... when Alex finds the couple hiding in the freezer and does "eeny meany miney mo" that was so jacked up... i watched it carefully... i think he ended on the girl

LOL. Dude, you are off your head, I love it. Only a true film buff would have noticed who he ended on.

Quoted Text That was sofa king awesome

Sofa king?

Yeah, actually I couldn't stand Elephant. If you want to watch a movie littered with stereotypes that's a prime example. Gus Van Sant to me is the Uwe Boll of psuedo intellectualism, you know.

Some advice is don't think of the characters as types, but rather what they are, individuals. One thing about writing drama is if written well it can be very provacative, if not, it can be downright cheesy.

Quoted from MrBlonde79 most kids in public schools are sterotypes.... i mean its so superfical

Surprisingly no, that's hardly true. There's a lot of depth to people. Even the jocks and the preps. Saying that people are superficial is just a cop out to justify lack of originality.

I dont know which high school you went to. the jocks at my high school had about as much depth as crockadile piss... our football players made headlines for sexual harassment against the stat girls.