The News Today - Print Topic

Posted by: Don, January 15th, 2006, 11:05am

The News Today by J.P.S. - Short - This is what happens when a mom holds on to her sensitive daughter for too long. - doc, format 8)

Posted by: I_M, January 15th, 2006, 11:43am; Reply: 1

My second short.

The title has nothing to do with the story, I spaced out when I was writing this.

Well...I hope you like it.

Posted by: Helio, January 15th, 2006, 12:43pm; Reply: 2

Hey JPS, it is a nice and funny piece, but without Cut to -zoom in etc. Rewrite it and place it again, before others buddies see it.

Good work anyway.

Helio

Posted by: I_M, January 15th, 2006, 1:23pm; Reply: 3

Thanks...OK, I'm gonna take out the cut to and zoom stuff.

Posted by: Jonathan Terry, January 15th, 2006, 1:25pm; Reply: 4

Also, take out the "We see"'s. I personally don't have a problem with it but I know other people ont his site who refuse to read scripts if that's in there.

Posted by: Helio, January 15th, 2006, 1:33pm; Reply: 5

Could you see Nadine talking about these camera-moving-direction problems?

Posted by: I_M, January 15th, 2006, 1:34pm; Reply: 6

Yep. OK, changing right away.

Posted by: I_M, January 15th, 2006, 1:42pm; Reply: 7

Quoted from Helio

Could you see Nadine talking about these camera-moving-direction problems?

Lol, yep.

Posted by: I_M, January 16th, 2006, 12:53am; Reply: 8

Any other suggestions?

Posted by: I_M, January 26th, 2006, 2:21am; Reply: 9

I've taken out the cut to's and zoom to's and we see's.

Posted by: Gaara, January 26th, 2006, 8:38am; Reply: 10

Pretty good script, the formatting seems okay and the story flows well.

But why put their exact age. Unless they all introduce themselves as 16 you could just has easily put that they were in their 'mid-teens'.

Also at the start you say that

Quoted Text

The year is 1990

How do we know this? Give a way for the year to appear on screen such as a subtitle or maybe show someone writing in a diary with the year 1990 on it. Something to show what year it is.

Posted by: I_M, January 26th, 2006, 7:41pm; Reply: 11

Thanks for the feedback. I guess I'll put a subtitle.

Posted by: Antemasque, January 26th, 2006, 8:00pm; Reply: 12

Jeez. You should see the stuff i write when i space out. Some of it is pretty crazy.

Anyway funny little script you got here E.T.
I enjoyed it. ;D

Posted by: I_M, January 26th, 2006, 8:05pm; Reply: 13

Thanks...I'm going to search for one of your scripts and reveiw. I'll be searching...lol.

Posted by: Shelton, February 13th, 2006, 4:47pm; Reply: 14

E.T,

Don't know what to say here, except I can't classify this script.

Is it a comedy? Is it some "Mommie Dearest" type script with the goofy mother? At first I thought it was a comedy, and you were just overusing the "My daughter is a retard" bit, until she jammed a spoon in her mouth. Then I was lost.

In terms of the retard thing. In the classroom, why not make Tammy do something that would really give off that impression instead of drawing a picture of them going to Food 4 Less, how about she's eating paste or gluing her fingers together or something?

There's so much potential funny here that I think was missed.

Posted by: I_M, February 15th, 2006, 1:32am; Reply: 15

Oh...I'm going to try to rewrite the script and make my script more clearer.
I think I pushed my script to much with the "My daughter is a retard" thing, so I'm going to fix that. It is a comedy and I guess it is a "Mommie-Dearest" type script, but the mother is to over protective.

Thanks for the feedback. I really appreciate it.