Never Too Late by Martin Lancaster - Short - Lives can change in a split second. It's never too late to choose a different path.  Entry for the 'Valentine's Day Visual Writing Challenge' 8 pages - pdf, format 8)

SPOILERS

Sometimes reading without dialogue can be a tad tricky.  I had to read this twice to make sure I got everything.  Now, I got two possible endings here.  One is what Joseph sees and the other is what Lucy sees.  Joseph could have gone on that path where he murders his parents(I think they're his parents) or he could have just gone to Mary and everything turns out warmly.

I think that's where the brown envelope comes into play because it kind of says which road he chose to go on.  He could have killed them, but since he went to Mary, rather than seeing two dead people, Lucy saw two lovers embracing one another.  Is that kind of what you were getting at?  At first I thought Lucy had hired a hitman, but then I reread it and understood more of the shtuff.

WHEW!  Okay.  All that aside, this speechless piece was beautifully written as is the case with all of your work, and thankfully there weren't any chunky paragraphs.  I think that is what may intimidate people as they read these.

Anyway, sharp job!

Ah, you beat me to it. Thanks, Doc. Interesting interpretation.

I wrote this one sitting and, even after reading it several times, I still wasn't sure it came across the way I intended. I'll see what other folks say before I attempt to explain it.

Thanks for reading.

Darn it, Martin.  I hate to bust on your stuff because it always so tight and so good -- and this one is no exception -- but aaagh! -- it doesn't make any sense!  And Greg's musings on this piece only muddied the water for me.

(SPOILER -- sort of)

OK, it was the gunshots on the balcony that threw this piece into disarray.  I think I would have understood this story if you had lost that.  Who got shot?  Anybody?  Were Joseph and Lucy somehow connected -- I mean, aside from their potentially similar experiences?

Anyway, everything was solid and comprehensible aside from the story itself.  On the micro-scale I was never lost for a second.  But the macro-scale let me down.

I'll probably like this one alot more after you have explained it, but that will not negate the fact that I needed to have it explained to me.

As you know, Martin, I'm not very good in English, but I need to read it again to see if I get your intentions right or if it is a nonsense script.

One more good and sharp writing from you as usual.

Hey Martin. Your writing flows very well. I felt like watching a movie while reading this, as it always happens to me when reading your scripts.

Still, I can´t help being a jerk, and pick on you about a tiny format detail.

You decided that young Joseph´s scenes should be in black and white. I personally agree with that decision and think it would look good on screen. But I also think this kind of choices belong to the director. Maybe, the director decides to shoot these scenes in black and white, but maybe not. Maybe he just decides to use a different color saturation. Who knows?

About the story, I´m not sure if I got it right. Here is my interpretation.

SPOILERS

Joseph is a hitman hired to kill Lucy´s dad, but he has a moral crisis (triggered by his memories) and spare his life. He also decides to quit the job (that´s what I gather from the "burning envelope" scene). Once he feels better with himself, he is able to work his relation with Mary. Is that right?

The only problem with this interpretation would be: Who did he shot during the black screen? Maybe he made up his mind just before shooting, and shot a glass of wine or the bottle?

Anyways, despite my doubts, it was a nice and interesting piece to read.

hmmm,
once again i got a different interpretation from this piece. It was very well written as with your other short you read but it seems like we are all getting different things out of this. I know exactly what it feels like to think someone is clear in your work when it's not, anyway, I would try to explain what I got out of it but the honest truth is I am confused and don't really know. The only thing that I can get out of it is that he was going to go and kill lucy's parents but didn't? I don't understand though that if he was going to shoot them and shot his pistol but missed, they'd end up kissing at the end on the table? Did he shoot the glass?

Basically this is what I think, sorry if I'm way off but this is what I think. Lucy's parents killed Joseph's parents so he wanted to extract revenge but when he got there he couldn't do it because there was a child there just doing stuff like he was doing. So, he shot the glass out. After that he decided to burn the photo's he was given of his targets and just start a normal life, starting with asking out the girl he wants to be with on valentines day.

okay, sorry if that is wrong. It's just a guess and what I can piece together from all the information. It's a very well written piece, good descriptions and all but like other people have said your plot isn't 100 percent clear

-Matt

Aha, I had a feeling this might happen. Yes, I was being deliberately cryptic to create a bit of confusion, but it seems to have backfired.

SPOILERS

Mr. Z's interpretation is the closest, but the gunfire on the balcony seems to have confused everybody. If I told you the gunshots you hear on the balcony are part of Joseph's flashback, would that make it clearer?
Basically, he's a reclusive hitman haunted by the memory of his parents' murder when he was a child.
His next job is to kill the businessman, but after seeing the guy's daughter he has second thoughts and decides to abandon his career as a hitman. This is symbolized by him burning the envelope (I know it could also mean he had carried out the hit, I was trying to be ambiguous- bad idea it seems)

So, he decides to change his life and the first step is going to the cafe to meet with the girl.

Hope that clears things up. I should've made it clearer in the script but, in all honesty, I didn't spend much time on it.

Mr. Z, you're absolutely right about B/W being the director's decision. I debated over its inclusion but since I anticipated some confusion, I needed to make it clear that this was a flashback. I could have written 'flashback' in the slug, but that would mean the opening scene is a flashback which makes no sense.

Anyway, thanks for reading guys. Apologies for the confusion.

I liked this one. I was able to get into the main character and understand him to an extent. I liked how it all ended; I thought that was rather clever. I do think the bit where Mary grabs Joseph's arm and points at the pie was a little overdone, and felt like something should have been said but you were playing with restrictions. I think it could have been done a little better to fit the silent genre a bit easier.

Overall, though, you did a really good job with the story.

Martin,

Interesting, albeit a little confusing upon first read.  I read the previous posts, and then read the script again.  Things make more sense now.

Good job with the descriptions, and it flowed well at this length without any dialogue.

After reading some of the previous comments, I didn't find the story confusing. I understood just find on my first read. I had to kind of do a double take on the ending, but once I understood that, it all fell into place, and I didn't have any questions.

Hey Martin,

I really enjoyed this. I thought it was really neat. I like the way you jumbled the sequence of events and created different possible expectations without being too confusing.

A few things confused me for a second but by the end I pretty much worked it out.

Outside the house, it said that Joseph held a silenced pistol. I took that to mean that the gun had a silencer. My first reaction was, why then did it bang when fired?

It faded to black before the bangs were heard so I was thinking maybe this was perhaps an audio cue that he had not fired at that particular instance but that the shots were in fact from some other time, like when his (parents) were killed.

I was a little confused for a second by the balcony running the length of the first floor. Here, a balcony is something on an upper floor and a first floor is usually on the ground level. So I’m still not certain exactly what you meant. Since there was a living room and dining room, I assumed it was ground level. It just looked weird seeing a balcony on the first floor.

At first, young Joseph was in the living room. It mentions him going to a large wooden door. It is not made clear what room this door goes to. A door in the living room? Later his mother is slumped over the dining table. The slugline says living room. Is the dining table in the living room? I’m assuming at this point that the large wooden door from earlier was to the dining room. It seemed odd to have a large wooden door between the living room and the dining room.

That’s nitpicky stuff, though. You know a script is good when all you can do is nitpick little things, though.

Overall, I really liked it.

Breanne

Quoted from Breanne Mattson Outside the house, it said that Joseph held a silenced pistol. I took that to mean that the gun had a silencer. My first reaction was, why then did it bang when fired? It faded to black before the bangs were heard so I was thinking maybe this was perhaps an audio cue that he had not fired at that particular instance but that the shots were in fact from some other time, like when his (parents) were killed.

Aha! I was wondering if anyone would spot that. A bit too subtle maybe, but I reckon more people would notice if they were watching a movie.

In Europe, our ground floor is your first floor and our first floor is your second floor (I think)

Thanks for reading everyone. I plan to read the rest of these entries asap. I've had a busy weekend but I'll read 'em all eventually.

I have not read the other posts, but I noticed that there was some mentionings of confusion.

I did not think it was that confusing, but I could also have interpreted this all wrong. We'll see.

A young boy sees his parents killed. This affects him greatly and as a 35 year old he still gets flashbacks from certain events or sounds.

I guess the envelope tells him he's got to kill someone. Surveillance photos, blueprints and the fact that he carries a gun, wears leather gloves and climbing on buildings.

The situation reminds him too much of his own past and he decides he can't do it, because of the little girl that reminds him of himself. He doesn't want her to have to go through what he had to.

The FADE OUT: to black and FADE IN: again after the BANG! BANG! was pretty clear to me that we left the balcony and went somewhere else. To his past.

Finally (I hate to be crude, but) I'm glad someone finally got laid properly on Valentine's Day. Maybe the kid shouldn't be watching though.

I thought it was a pretty good story. As far as formatting goes, I would have to give it a 9.5 out of 10.

Very Nice.
:)

Hey, thanks Tomson. I must've missed your comment.

You understood it just perfectly.

It's been a hectic couple of weeks but I'll get around to reading the rest of these entries asap.