Time Wounds All Heels by Caroline Ballantyne - Short - Using her wits and special 'gift', Samantha struggles to keep herself and her younger sister from being violated by their mother's latest boyfriend. 22 pages - doc, format 8)

WOW! Caroline I read it inspite of the format in one go! Realy long, long time I didn't read a nice story so touching and so strong at the begin of the sript. I think and I have to say get a program format and format it as well becuase you wrote a nice story. Other thing is please read the others writers here otherwise they will not read yours a pit becuase it is - again - a nice story of life that happened around us everry day!

Sorry I'm not the right person to write spoilers because of my poor English but lot of good writers here will do it with property. Sorry.

Now that's a title!

I'll just dive right in here...

:Need a description of where they are right off the top.  
:You introduce three characters in the first sentence of description.  I'd give them each their own sentence and describe them a little.
:At this point, the audience doesn't know that Desmond is their stepfather.  This greatly lessens the impact of the scene...we need to establish that right off the bat.
:Oh, she's in a pool!  See, I had no idea...
:Again, what does Alice look like?
:What's VB?  An alcoholic drink, I'm guessing...
:The scene at night is not necessary if we have this scene with the tea right after it.  They both make the same point...the second much more intensely so.
:For scene 4, you introduce the girls as if we don't know them.  You added the pool scene in later, maybe?  
:What's Drum?
:Don't put in camera directions.
:I guess her dream was wrong, since he didn't die by Cyclone..?
:The title's fine, but I personally feel that using that pun in the script is far, far too much.

I think there's a bit of a...well, I don't know, it seems a bit mean-spirited, actually.  Sure, the bad guys get their comeuppance, but is it necessary to "torture" them first?  It all seems a bit harsh for a heartwarming story.  

I don't think we know enough about the sisters to really identify with them.  I thought you would play Alice as a sympathetic character but apparently not...I think there are too many conflicts for such a short script.  To me, it seems like this should either be much longer, or we should be sympathetic to Alice and leave Sarah out of it.

This was well-written though, it just lacked...something.  Maybe it was that I didn't identify with the main characters.

Good work, and I hope you're around to receive comments.

Heretic, Drum is pouch tobacco, VB stands for Victoria Bitter, it's beer. The story is set in Australia.