School Spirit by Michael Alexopoulos (myersfan) - Short, Horror - Heather King's grandfather has died and now she has to move in with her mother. Heather attends a new school where a history project causes her to discover a dark secret about the Evil spirit haunting the school and her deceased grandfather. 4 pages - rtf, format 8)

I'm lost.
Is this going to be the beginning of the script that has been described?

Yeah me to. It's an interesting beginning if that was what you were headed for, but where's the rest?

Sean

Okay. That is the Prologue. I dunno why the rest isnt there. I will try and re upload it.

Mike, you may want to consider holding off on resubmitting this script.  In the first four pages, there were numerous mistakes.  You have to learn what goes into a script and what does not.

Examples (page one):

Introduction
Before the main credits roll, we see an empty hallway. Attached to the walls are blue lockers. At the bottom of the screen a caption appears.

SUPERIMPOSED:

Union High School
   May 5, 1951



Should just be written as:

INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY - DAY

The hall is empty and quiet.

SUPER:  UNION HIGH SCHHOL.  MAY 5th, 1952


You don't need to describe the color of the school lockers unless there's a particular reason why they're blue.  And you don't need to describe what the students are wearing.  It's understood they're wearing clothing of the period.


We don't pan!

We don't see!


Capitalize characters' names when they first show up on the screen.  This is how you tell the reader it's their introduction.


Johnny doesn't understand what she is talking about.   

Don't say how people think or feel.  What you wrote here cannot be filmed by the camera.


On page two, you wrote:

The basement is fairly big. There are articles of clothing in bins and all over the floor. On the west wall there is a big Mirror with light bulbs surrounding it. The walls are an off-white color. Off of the ceiling hang big pipes. As Johnny walks through there he has to duck to avoid impact with the pipes.

Unless the mirror or the wall colors or bins play a part in the story, don't mention them.


[Johnny's eyes widen. He is shocked. Sheryl is pregnant. The only thing going through his mind, is what his father would think. What would his father do if he found out that his son's girlfriend was knocked up? What would the whole school think? His coach, his teachers, and most importantly his friends./i]

The only thing that the camera will be able to record is that Johnny's eyes get real big.  That's it!  How is the camera supposed to show what he's thinking?



Page three

[i]Johnny continues to shake her. Then he starts to tear. All that anger caused him to do something unimaginable. He killed someone. Although it was by accident, he would still get charged with murder.

All you need is:  

Johnny continues to shake her. Tears swell up in his eyes.


Page four:

You don't decide how the title is shown on the screen.  In fact, for a spec script, you don't even show the title at all.



Take care of these problems before you do anything else.


Phil

Okay, dude. Dude above me. Okay? Okay, SHUT UP!!! HAHAHAHA, Just Kidding. Anyway, yeah. Thanks for the feedback. That is what I like people to do, Tell me what i did wrong. Thanks.