A Very Bad Day by Roger Smith - Short - Things are not always as they appear.  A wonderfully true anecdote leading to a wonderfully horrible day for Mike, who is not always what he might appear to be. 9 pages - doc, format 8)

Hey

This isn't half bad, funny in parts, got a beginning, middle and end and the characters dialogue is quite good too..

That fat lady was a real bitch!

Poor Mike, what a bummer of a day.. LOL!!!

Quite funny.. Your formatting is way off, but what the Hell!

Well done for the effort anyways, at least it was funny and in my view this was the main exercise apart from the deadline..

A very bad day indeed. I liked this one a lot. The UFO and God demanding Mike repent were the highlights for me. One thing I didn't understand, though, was why the fat lady was ranting about magazines she herself was paying for. It's funny, don't get me wrong, but she's just drawing attention to herself. Maybe if she tried to steal them or something and got caught. Same effect and might even make the scene funnier. Anyway, good job with this one, Roger.

There were so many unexpected things in this script. I laughed my butt off.
Hail God! Hail Mary! Ahhh!
I think a little person would have been a nice addition to this one, but hey, it was fun without it.
  

A strange collection of crazy events that felt more random than a Simpsons or Family Guy chapter, but it worked. You had me chuckling for the most part, good job.

Yeah, Mr Smith it was very interesting and funny 9 pages! And well written too!
Hail cow!

this was great. i got a good laugh out of it

"I'M NOT A DEER!!!!"

Haha.  Everything that could have gone wrong did in this here story.  Dialogue was good, most of the sequences were good too, cept I didn't particularly enjoy the UFO, but that's just me.  On the other hand, my favorite part had to be the medieval fair by far.  I was laughing out loud after that sequence!!!  "Fetch, freak!" haha.

Very well done.

This one had a pretty good plot. It had some funny moments and it streamed from situation to situation really well. I think it’s so visual that it would look better on screen than it does reading it but it’s pretty nice.

The only thing is a plot hole: Lucy is talking to Mike while he’s dodging lightning but never acknowledges it. That would be a hard thing to miss.

That was pretty funny. Boy, that guy did have a bad day.
Hey, my name's Bruce.

I really liked this one!

I think the bad tempered lady at Target should meet up with Jack Ash though.

you did well on having most of the stuff in the beginning coming back through the script. Even if some where random I felt that actually enhanced the sillyness and made it funnier.

Good job!
8)

Sorry, gotta hit this one...dial tone on a cell phone? Um, no. I mean, even landline phones don't get immediate dial tones when you hang up. That's purely a movie and TV convention. But a cell phone never has a dial tone at all (okay, except when you're making a 3-way call, but that's kind of an exception).

Geez, talk about a bad day. I don't think they can get much worse than that. I liked how this script flowed and moved, and it was very funny. Had to feel sorry for Mike, but his situations not only fit well with where you were taking us, but they were absolutely the worst thing that could possibly happen which makes for some good comedy. Well done.

I thought it was funny, the U.F.O. kind of threw me off because of the closeness to reality you had going, but otherwise it was good.  I was gonna tell you to establish that the script is pretty zany right from the start, to prepare people for the aliens and god, but now I think that if it was ever on screen the U.F.O. just as the first completely unrealistic thing would be a hilarious surprise.

Ah, those poor Target workers, he's the second one to cop it in this writing exercise.  Anyway, the whole mistaken identity thing you had going on was great. I also enjoyed the way the magazine conversation from the start, tied back into the story with the UFO. It was an entertaining script. I hope you resubmit it once you get time to polish up the formatting. 7/10  

Funny little sketch. I enjoyed how you were able to keep the series of bad events going from one to another. In some parts I think Mike could've kept his mouth shut instead of talking to himself.
Good job though.

First off, thanks everyone for readsing it.

Quoted from Kevan Quite funny.. Your formatting is way off, but what the Hell!

Thanks, could you maybe tell me what in the format made it way off?  I need to work on that.

Quoted from George Willson Sorry, gotta hit this one...dial tone on a cell phone? Um, no. I mean, even landline phones don't get immediate dial tones when you hang up. That's purely a movie and TV convention. But a cell phone never has a dial tone at all (okay, except when you're making a 3-way call, but that's kind of an exception).

It's one of those magical cell phones that miraculously hears dial tones.  Either that or it was just his girlfriend making the noise..I like that, Ill go change it.

Quoted from tony In some parts I think Mike could've kept his mouth shut instead of talking to himself.

Don't you think that that would make it a bit to action heavy though?  I think I should keep it, but do you have any suggestions to make it like, flow better?

Quoted from Breanne Mattson The only thing is a plot hole: Lucy is talking to Mike while he’s dodging lightning but never acknowledges it. That would be a hard thing to miss.

Although it was not my intention at first, I do think that I like her not noticing, or rather, seeming to care, especially if I go with my dial tone Idea up above.  Thanks for pointing that out, ill make it obvious that i am lampooning her self centeredness.

Quoted from James Mclung One thing I didn't understand, though, was why the fat lady was ranting about magazines she herself was paying for. It's funny, don't get me wrong, but she's just drawing attention to herself. Maybe if she tried to steal them or something and got caught. Same effect and might even make the scene funnier.

I actually don't think that that happened, Ill go back and look though.

Quoted from cindylkeller I think a little person would have been a nice addition to this one, but hey, it was fun without it.

You mean like a dwarf?  I could efinetely see that hasppening.  I hope that that was politically correct.

Thanks for reading everyone!  I'm so happy that you all seemed to like it.

Hey Higg, there's a quote in your last post that doesn't belong to me. Just letting you know...

EDIT: Oops... already fixed.  8)

Yeah, sorry about that.

Higgonator

Enjoyed the script..

Well done..


Kev

Thanks Kevan, I'm glad you enjoyed it.  Any formatting tips?

Don't think I've ever read anything of yours before.
Maybe I should, I thought this was quite clever and good. 8)

Theres not much else, but I do have a feature lenght on the way...

It's prett much just the Sitcom Series mindless, which is poorly formatted, and unfortunately probably not going to go anywhere.

Hey Hig, Good job. This was a fun read.

Glad you liked it Breanne, thanks for the review.

Higgs, I loved the momentum of this story.  It just kept getting better and funnier as it moved along at a wonderful pace.  You did a great job here.

I particularly liked the guy with the fur coat and antlers running through the woods -- it's not the kind of joke that you see coming -- but when it arrives, it makes perfect sense -- and it would probably be very, very funny to watch.

The only format snafu I could see was your use of (V.O.), which goes after the character's name, on the same line, like this:  MIKE (V.O.)

That, and the fact that most of your (V.O.) are really (O.S.), which is "off-screen".  They're not the same thing.  Ask George if you don't know what I mean.

Pound for pound, this one had more actual comedy than most of these.  Good job.  Oh -- and cows eat out of a trough, not a troth.

Quoted from bert Good job.  Oh -- and cows eat out of a trough, not a troth.

Damn!

Thanks bert.  Yeah, I think I get the V.O. versus O.S., I actually thought they were the same, and you could just choose whichever one suits you.  Thanks again, glad you liked it.

I read this script, and I loved every part of it! I've seen stuff on TV like Meet The Parents, and The Worst Week Of My Life, and I love the whole "everything goes wrong" thing! 10/10, man.

Glad you enjoyed it bud.

-Tyler

Well, I've read your other stuff like Love Bites, The Search For The Great American Jackelope, and you know I like Mindless. So, yeah, I like your writing. Keep up the good work.

Quoted from DOM Well, I've read your other stuff like Love Bites,

And you didn't review?  C'mon!  I need help!

Oh, right. If you want, I'll get right on it.

sweet, and perhaps, if you read jackelope, one for that as well would be most appreciated, and would ensure better scripts in the future.

Okay, if it helps you.

Pro's
Funny script.
Good Writing.
great idea.




Con's
while funny, could be funnier.
Ending felt rushed.
Having him get killed felt like the easy out, even with the gag at the end.
format off.


Verdict: It was a fun script, and quite interesting. decent way to kill off a few minutes.