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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board  /  Drama Scripts  /  Elsa
Posted by: Don, May 1st, 2006, 8:14pm
Elsa (The ultimate experience of living with the dead) by G. Mohanraj (indiannovel) - Drama, Supernatural, Romance - For Rodney Mike it was unexpected turn of events which made his life  a real hell when he got married again after the sudden dismay of his Indian wife Elsa, who came  back in his life by haunting his newly wedded wife Jenny. 108 - doc, format :)
Posted by: Lon, May 6th, 2006, 1:30pm; Reply: 1
Oof.  This is going to sound awfully mean-spirited, but I promise I'm not trying to pick on you.

You have GOT to learn how to write a screenplay.  

1.  Your descriptions -- your incredibly lengthy descriptions -- are told in a variety of tenses; past and present.  In a screenplay, everything happens NOW.

2.  The script's opening reads like a traveller's brochure.  Sell the beauty of the setting using a few precise, well-chosen adjectives.  Don't give us the whole history of the locale.

3.  Character Names over dialogue are not put into parentheses.  Likewise, don't put quote marks around your dialogue.

4.  This is not an insult at all, but judging from your writing it appears English isn't your first language.  Nothing wrong with that, but if you intend to show this script to English/American readers, then you need to bone up on how to speak English.  It should be, "MIke cried."  Not "Cried Mike."  Well, actually, in a screenplay it would be "Mike crieS".

I'm sorry if I sound cruel, but this is most definitely not a screenplay and reads more like a novel, in which case even the novel's format is wrong.  

So, again...you have got to, got to, GOT TO learn how to write a screenplay.  Good luck.:)
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