Dawn by Pedro Chaves (rpedro) - Short - How is humanity going to end.. Is its evolution coming to an end.. 18 pages - pdf, format 8)

okay, I just finished this.  This was an amusing story, it had a few mistakes in there though.

on page 2 you say "why didn't you came back?"  I think you ment "come back"

on page 3 you say "you still didn't forgave them"  it should be "you still didn't forgive them"

also on page 3 you say "why didn't you stopped them"  should be "why didn't you stop them"

also on page 3 you said "works" when I   think you ment "workers", you do this a few times

I think fuckups should be fuck ups. I'm pretty sure it's two words.

now onto the story

This script had some cool elements, there have been a couple others on here with this subject matter, but I think you had your own spin on it.

the part at the veggie resaraunt made me laugh cause it reminded me of my script with a bunch of liberals spewing propoganda in a vegatarian restaurant, that brought a smile to my face.

so I think you have a neat idea, you need to fix some grammer mistakes, but they aren't all over the place so it's not distracting.

good job. :)

hey Jordan, I knew you were gonna like that part!

You were my inspiration for that one! :-)


thanks for telling me my spelling mistakes! English is not my mother language, so I still make a lot, but really a lot of mistakes. :-)

thanks again! :D

LOL................no one has ever told me I inspierd them before, so thank you:D

I could see that english wasn't your first lanuage, but you are doing a great job with that, some people who's first language is english can't write anything at all, and I don't think the members here will be bothered with that at all because you're putting in great effort, so props to you:)  

Pedro,

I read your script and I'll try to be gentle with you.

I wanted to like your story, I really did, but unfortunately I can't say that I did. I wanted to help you with some of your spelling and such, but there were just too many to help with. I understand that English is not your native language so I'm willing to ignore some of those errors. However, there were way too many of them, enough to disrupt the story even.

I don't think I even understood what was going on. Most of it was just dialogue and social ramblings at that. What's with the Arabs?

Format wise it was good enough, it was the story itself and the numerous spelling and grammar errors that didn't work. That's bad coming from me, since English isn't my native language either.

Sorry I couldn't be more positive. Don't give up though, you'll get better with each one you write.
:)