Silent Blue Eyes by Michel J. Duthin - Short - A lonely woman marked by life. A man on the run. Why would they need to talk? 6 pages - pdf, format 8)

Nothing opens when I click on this.  I just get a blank screen.


Okay, I restarted my computer and now everything works.

I found your storytelling and formatting to be good.  I didn't understand the ending.  I'll try to read something else of yours to see if it's just me.


Phil

Works For me :P

I didn't get the scar though, was it possibly from a previous prisoner? I got the impression she does this often.

i got one word...rushed.  you have to many words in the wrong places. for instances you mention "the couple is making love on the bad, in front of the ragged dolls amused look".  you should have reread your story.  you have too many inappropriate commas and you use the word 'and' when a comma could be used in its place.

the gaurds should have a name.  it's confusing reading the man over and over.

how does the prisoner escape?  why is his hand bleeding?

why is Mandy quick to jump in bed with him?

i'm one to talk, i got to revamp my story as well.

most errors saw were grammatical errors.

First of all, thanks for your reviews.

In fact, the explanation is simple:

Mandy is a loner, living alone because of her scar. I thought of her as a rejected woman.
She helps prisoners to escape (with her pigeons) and takes the advantage to have sex with them. That's all. I'll try to make it clearer.

Michel

That's exactly what I got from it, Michel.  This was actually a well-written short.  I think the less that was said, the better it ended up being.  It leaves more room for interpretaion.  

I really liked the idea of the woman being mute.  It added more uncertainty to the whole situation.  The whole time I was trying to figure out what her motivation was.  At first I thought she was working for the prison, then I thought she was some freak that tortured the escapees, but I can see she just is a lonley woman that will go to the length of helping prisoners escape just to ease her suffering.

What a great thematic screenplay.  Even for a 3 page script, it says so much more.

Well done.

Thank you Guy for your review. So, I was not that aside my subject.

Quoted from guyjackson I think the less that was said, the better it ended up being.  It leaves more room for interpretation.

As you may notice in my short, I try to put the less of dialog as possible. I dream of a feature without a line. Just action. This way, it would more universal and understood by everyone. Luc Besson (Fifth Element) made his French first film as a mute one. There was (almost - just one word) no dialog along the film and it wasn't boring at all.

Once again, thank you for your review and hope you would enjoy my other scripts.

Michel 8)

F***! What a review Baltis.

Quoted from Balt your dialogue BLOWS GOAT NUTS & PORKS CHICKENS IN THE BUTT...

Never saw my dialogs as this.

To be honest, I agree with you (just for the dialogs). At first there were no dialogs at all. The man was too far from the guards to hear what they were saying. I put him nearer to make understand that Mandy is dumb. That's all.

Quoted from Balt I think you have a tendency to over write, however.

I don't think I'm overwriting. Just describing things I see in my head.

Quoted from Balt Maybe, novels are in your heart...

I tried to write novels but it doesn't fit me.


Thank you anyway. No grudges

Michel 8)

You know, I always tell it right down the middle. I can be harsh... Well, I'm told I am anyways.

Actually, a few explicits follow those words, usually.

I am a prick. I am... But, I try to be as complete as possible in my reviews. I read these things and a lot of them. I'm not just some guy who skims them and says, Oh hey... it sucks.

I've been kicked from the site for being this way and I'm sure if enough complain, I'll be gone again. What can you do?

I hope there isn't any hard feelings, cause I do think you're a good writer. I do. I've read a few pieces of your work and I do read them. I just think, in this instance, you seemed to force and rush things into play.

Maybe you wanted to go for 4 pages and this was the best route. I dunno??

I do hope you don't think that I was just being critical of you as a whole. If I don't like something or something bugs me or rubs me the wrong way, then I'm gonna point it out. I seldom read anybody Else's opinions before a review, so please understand I gather all my points "by and large" on my own free will.

Baltis~

Hey Michel,
Just finished reading your short. I have a couple comments.



SPOILERS...

When the guy is running, you used the description flashing orange prison uniform. I don't think the coveralls flash LOL. I'd just say orange coveralls and leave it at that.

When the guard comes to the house, his dialogue Did you see a man? You wouldn't miss him. He was in orange prision coveralls...
Since the guard called her by her name, and he showed up with guns and dogs, it should be safe to assume that she knows him, too. I'd change the dialogue to something like: We had another escapee. Have you seen him?

Or better yet, maybe the guards know that she will turn him in after she is done using him. Maybe they will walk toward the house, the dogs go nuts outside, then turn away.

This script did seem rushed. Too many things happening too quickly. Take some time in the house with them, and show the woman being seductive, well, a little anyway.

Since she does this quite often, maybe the guy will wake up handcuffed to the bed. Maybe she knocked him out with a rag full of ether??? Then the woman releases the pigeon. LOL

Cute story, just needs a little tweaking.    

Cindy

Okay, I haven't read any of the other reviews, so if I say something that is the same I'm sorry!

I didn't really get the story, to be honest. It wasn't a tough read, just...well...a pointless one. ha-ha.

First, there is one error I found on page 2 I believe that should be changed. The "FIRST MAN" says

"He’d just escaped." Just take 'd out to make it "He just escaped."

Why did you point out that the woman had a scar? It wasn't important to the story. And the bird flying away at the end...kinda strange. I didn't really get any of this.

Your writing is pretty good, just not the story. It may be because this is only a few pages. I'm fixing to read Seven Dwarfs, so I'll get to see more of your writing soon.

Anyway, it needs work in the plot area. I understand that in a short film it is hard to explain things but maybe extending this a little longer would help out with explaining what everything means...?

-Chris

I have to agree with most of the reviews here, I just didn't get it!

The ending wasn't really very clear.  I think this would be better if you developed it.  A possible extra snipit at the end could help clear things up.  For example - she releases the pigeon then an extra sene where another prisoner runs toward the house.  

This might not be the direction you were going for here, like I said I didn't really get it. lol.

First of all, thanks to all for your comments. It makes me realize that even when you're glad with one of your script there always are points you've missed.

Quoted from CindyLKeller Take some time in the house with them, and show the woman being seductive, well, a little anyway.

Yes, of course, I will develop the seduction scene. It'll be silent, full of understood looks and quite erotic (with no accessories LOL).

Quoted from FilmMaker06 Why did you point out that the woman had a scar? -Chris

The scar, to me, is important in the way to show the discrimination toward Mandy. Scar + dumb = loneliness. That's a little simple, but you need short cuts.

Quoted from alffy she releases the pigeon then an extra scene where another prisoner runs toward the house.

Thank you alffy. That's THE idea. That's what forums are made for.

Again, thanks for your reviews.

Michel 8)

First of all, thanks to all for your comments. It makes me realize that even when you're glad with one of your script there always are points you've missed.

Quoted from CindyLKeller Take some time in the house with them, and show the woman being seductive, well, a little anyway.

Yes, of course, I will develop the seduction scene. It'll be silent, full of understood looks and quite erotic (with no accessories LOL).

Quoted from FilmMaker06 Why did you point out that the woman had a scar? -Chris

The scar, to me, is important in the way to show the discrimination toward Mandy. Scar + dumb = loneliness. That's a little simple, but you need short cuts.

Quoted from alffy she releases the pigeon then an extra scene where another prisoner runs toward the house.

Thank you alffy. That's THE idea. That's what forums are made for.

I'm going to rework on it and this time I hope it'll please you all.

Again, thanks for your reviews.

Michel 8)

Hey Michel, no probs mate.  Glad to be of any help.
I'll be sure to read the update.

What I liked: It was very basic and left a lot of room for the cinematographer.  The setting was good.  Non-dialogue pieces are good, particularly for those of us who shoot on loud film cameras.  Foley is easy, ADR not so much.

What I didn't think worked: The ending seemed kind of gimmicky.  It's like she's dropping quarters into a machine.  

This is kind of the same idea as the short movie "Masters of Horror: Dario Argento's Jennifer."

I liked this one. It was simple but called for the attention of the reader. You have to pay attention to know what's going on in the story. There's no dialogue to spell things out. I felt satisfied after reading this having understood what went on.

While this was sound in terms of narrative, I thought the descriptions were a little awkward. I thought often the wrong words were used to describe what was going on. For example:

"The man passes by a pigeonhouse and fumbles on an old tree root, to stagger to the ground. He blusters, swearing."

"Fumbles" should be "stumbles" and should be followed by "and staggers to the ground." I don't even know what "blusters" is supposed to mean. I'd just say "swears." I've heard "ing" verbs are discouraged in screenwriting. They can usually be re-worded to sound stronger. I wrote this way for some time. Lately, I've been trying to cut down on it.

Anyway, the story is strong and intelligently written but I feel like you should pay more attention to details in the descriptions. One or two may seem insignificant but I feel this would read much stronger if the descriptions weren't as awkward. Hope this helps.

Michel,

There is something engaging about your script and I think it's the quiet of the countryside, and the relationship between the man and woman.  I enjoyed the silence.

Here are some notations I made:

How about Texas countryside opposed to Texan countryside.

I think the journey the man takes to arrive at the woman's house feels hurried.  The dogs are on his heels, but they never really seem to gain ground.  You tell us that he comes to a path, then later crosses a river, then leaves a path and enters a forest.

No need to tell us the small farm house looks inhabited.  The drying clothes say that just fine.

As James pointed out before me, your choice of words occasionally gets tangled in the translation.  Fumbles on a root should be "stumbles."  And that follow-up line "to stagger on the ground" is not phrased correctly.

Why do you say the woman must be in her early 30s?  Just say she is in early 30s.  And you don't need the apostrophe after the number -- just say 30s, 40s, etc.

You have the man entering the house twice.  And after that, again the phrasing is weird -- "he sticks his back on the wall."  That conjures up a comical image you don't want.

Once in the house, the pace slows and the imagery is pretty good.  The love scene works for me.  

However, you describe a room as simple and neat "as if belonging to the past."  Simple and neat do not reflect any period of time.  Perhaps tell us that the furnishings are rustic or old.  Be specific with what makes the room look old-fashioned.

I think you need to reverse the spelling of Taps and Pats.  When tending to the man's wound, the woman might pat his wound.  Tapping it suggests something different.

During the scene when the man is about to speak, you tell us that she then looks up at him and puts her finger to his lips.  She has to look up first to notice he is about to speak.

There is a scene when you tell us the woman "shyly lows her eyes."  No need to say shyly.  When she "lowers" her eyes, that is a gesture of shyness or submission.

Rephrase the description of the two making love in front of the rag doll looking amused.  And fix the description of the woman on the following morning, when she  "fixes the ceiling."  You mean to say that she fixes her eyes on the ceiling.

Any thought of this woman laying out fresh clothes for the escapees?  Just a thought since she is helping them start anew.

The end of the story is a bit amusing with the pigeons being released and carrying "files" to the nearby prison.
I guess this is how the men are escaping.  And it should be "the bird glides toward the prison."  No "s" is needed on toward.

Well, I could question how the authorities would allow prisoner after prisoner to escape thanks to a small file, but I guess I'll just enjoy this story for what it is.  What would happen if 2 or 3 prisoners escaped at the same time?  Would they take numbers at her front door - first come, first served??  Ha ha.

Or even more hilarious, what if all the pigeons escaped and a day later, you have a stampede of escaped convicts heading to the woman's house.   Wow.

You set up a nice visual and the tone is good.  Some things need to be fixed, but you capture the feel of this woman's heart darn well.  Good going.

Abe

This did nothing for me. I'm sorry, but the story was just too hard to follow. What I could follow wasn't very interesting. This seems like a 15 page short smashed down into 4 pages, and it suffers because of that. Your format was good though!;D
4 out 10

Hi everyone

for those who remember this short, I've just submitted the rewrite called now "Silent Blue Eyes".

It'll answer to some questions left aside in the first version.

Hope you'll appreciate it.

Michel 8)

Michel,

I guess I just read the old version. I suppose now I'll be prepared for the new one when it's posted. It's an interesting piece. I've not come across many dialogue free pieces.

I know you're as French as Audrey Tatou and Vincent Cassel so some wording was a little off. But then again I found myself making some allowances for some really nice phrasing that a native English speaker would never produce.

I read through the other posts as I was left a little confused at the end. Otherwise it was really good. It shows how much can be done in just a few pages.

I'll look out for the new draft.

Re

Hi Re,

thank you for the reading.

Quoted from rendevous I guess I just read the old version. I suppose now I'll be prepared for the new one when it's posted. It's an interesting piece. I've not come across many dialogue free pieces.

That was a challenge I imposed to myself: writing a script without any dialog. I'm fond of silent movies, and personally I think a good story doesn't need dialog.

The next version will explain the woman's motivation and I hope will become clearer to the reader.

Michel 8)

Hi everyone,

Don just informed me that the new draft is on.

Thanks

Michel 8)

Michel,

Found your new draft.

Quoted from SBE The summer sun crushes the countryside

I like this, I doubt you'd get away with it if you weren't French. It creates a fine picture in the mind, which is exactly what screenplays should do.

There's a few things which I could be pendantic about, but the meaning wasn't lost so I'll leave those. If anything it makes your scripts unique, a quality most of us seek.

Quoted from SBE and a scar on her left cheek.

I would have liked a bit more detail about the scar, how big etc as it's important and relevant to the plot. Maybe you don't need it and you've said enough. But as it is it could be small and no real problem or it could be huge and ruin her looks. Or maybe inbetween.

Quoted from SBE ...when she puts her finger on her mouth.

I thought you were going to say she puts her finger on his lips. I'd have preferred it.

Quoted from SBE Her skin seems so soft

Not sure you got away with that. More tell than show.

Quoted from SBE takes his hand to her mouth and simply kisses it.

This was a great line, and a perfect example of show not tell.

That's a big gap at the end of page 4, for a moment I thought it had finished.

Biggest piece of I'd give is to watch your tenses. I'm no expert on this but I do know that keeping as much as possible in the present tense will make for a much improved and enjoyable read. Example -

Quoted from SBE Amused, she watches a young beard man (MIKE) who chops logs with a heavy ax. He sweats, apparently exhausted by the effort.

Something instead like 'She watches a young bearded man with a beard with some amusement. He chops logs with a heavy axe. He sweats, exhaustion gets the better of him.'

My thinking on the subject is the beard is fine in the past as it's an object. But reactions and emotions should be happening now.

Apart from that your writing is very visual and quite poetic at times. This is by no means a bad thing to me. As long as it's brief - anything to make a read more enjoyable without taking away from the plot is good in my book.

The flashback was good, relevant and very visual. Shows you You can say a lot without dialogue.

Quoted from SBE The day breaks.

I doubt you need that line.

I'd sum up by saying it feels an improvement on the previous draft. I note the end is still the same. It's probably fine as it is. It implies a lot and leaves the reader / viewer room to work out the rest. That's good for me., i hate being hit over the head with plot.

Quite successful overall. It would make an interesting and memorable short film. There should be more scripts like this. I can't remember the last time I read or seen one quite like it. It's been in my head since I first read it so for that I congratulate you.

Hey Michel. I checked out your new draft. Not bad. I can't say how much of an improvement it is over the original as I read that one over two years ago but still. Good flow, storytelling and use of language. Looking over my original review, I still think there are a few strange word choices, namely amongst the verbs but there were none that particularly stood out. I think a couple of makeovers for this one should do the trick. Sorry if this wasn't too detailed. I suppose my original review wasn't either. In any case, I hope this does something for you.

I liked the story. But as an Actor, I have to say, that this would be incredibly hard to film. Most actors avoid roles with no dialouge. But I liked the script, although it had no talking, it was very simple to read.

Hey Michel, I read the original over thre years ago but I do remember it.  Saying that, I think the flashback scene is new and the ending differs from before?  

I like this and strangely I saw this is in my head as noisey panting scenes of Nick charging through the forest and hiding for his life in the house, intercut with eerie silent scenes of Jane.  The flashback helps to shed some light on to Janes willingness to help the convicted free, or at least a chance of escape that Mike didn't get.

Nice script and I enjoyed it.

Hey michel,

Just finished reading this one.
I do think it's better than the other draft I had read before.
Things are clearer, well, somethings, but this version leaves me with some questions for you...

Who is Mike? Is he someone who was special to her? Her husband maybe?
The reason why I am asking is because he knew sign language, and because she fought the guards.
Maybe he was her husband who was killed by the guards, and they got the wrong guy??? The prisoner was already gone...???
If so, maybe a happy photo of the two of them together in the house, and show the con running away in the woods.
If not, why did she fight so hard with the guards? Because she was lonely wouldn't be enough reason. I mean IF he is an escapee...

Sending the pigeon to the prison at the ending for the guards to come after the escapee after she had him... well, if Mike was her husband, that could explain why the guards would let her have the guy for a while... I mean since they killed him???

***EXT. COUNTRYSIDE - DAY

The summer sun crushes the countryside.***

The summer sun crushes the countryside. I like this description. Beautiful. Vivid. But isn't it redudant, since you have countryside in the scene heading?

Maybe something like: The summer sun crushes the meadow. ???

"She had no scar then." is telling. Maybe something like: Her skin, beautiful, and smooth. A peaches and cream complection. ???

There were a couple other things but it could be the difference between our countries and speech...
like beard. Here we would say bearded.
and threats them. Here we would say threatens them.
so I'm not sure if it is the difference in speech or a type o.

I did like this better than the last draft though.

Cindy

Thanks to you all for the reading and the patience to decipher my English.

Quoted from rendevous I like this, I doubt you'd get away with it if you weren't French. It creates a fine picture in the mind, which is exactly what screenplays should do. There's a few things which I could be pendantic about, but the meaning wasn't lost so I'll leave those. If anything it makes your scripts unique, a quality most of us seek.

That's my trademark for better or for worse (the most often…)

Quoted from rendevous I would have liked a bit more detail about the scar, how big etc as it's important and relevant to the plot. Maybe you don't need it and you've said enough. But as it is it could be small and no real problem or it could be huge and ruin her looks. Or maybe inbetween.

I thought the only mention of the scar would create in the redaer's mind its image. Let's say, the scar is big enough to be noticed.

Quoted from rendevous The flashback was good, relevant and very visual. Shows you You can say a lot without dialogue.

That was the challenge about this script.

Quoted from rendevous Quite successful overall. It would make an interesting and memorable short film. There should be more scripts like this. I can't remember the last time I read or seen one quite like it. It's been in my head since I first read it so for that I congratulate you.

Thank you. That's a real compliment (blush)

Quoted from James McClung Hey Michel. I checked out your new draft. Not bad. I can't say how much of an improvement it is over the original as I read that one over two years ago but still. Good flow, storytelling and use of language.

Thank you James.

Quoted from Eric2nimrod I liked the story. But as an Actor, I have to say, that this would be incredibly hard to film. Most actors avoid roles with no dialouge. But I liked the script, although it had no talking, it was very simple to read.

That's why actors are made for. The actors I know around me would kill to have a part like this, allowing them to show their real talent. Acting is not talking. I know some very good actors who are awful as soon as they open their mouth.

Quoted from alffy Nice script and I enjoyed it.

Thanks Alf…

Quoted from CindyLKeller Maybe he was her husband who was killed by the guards, and they got the wrong guy??? The prisoner was already gone...???

He was actually her husband. He was wanted and when the police came he has that stupid move to threaten them. And like every spouse, she did her best to defend him.

Quoted from CindyLKeller There were a couple other things but it could be the difference between our countries and speech... like beard. Here we would say bearded. and threats them. Here we would say threatens them.

Mea culpa… Sometimes my knowledge of English goes beserk…

Michel 8)

I read this one but it didn't work for me. Did not hold my interest I'm afraid.

Nothing really happened other then prisoner arrive at woman's house, they role around in bed and she let a pigeon fly.

I think the reason it failed to engage me was because the story was very vauge with no clear motive plus your characters had no personlaity that I could see of nor did your story have any emotion. I found it to be a very hollow piece of writing.  

Quoted from tonkatough I read this one but it didn't work for me. Did not hold my interest I'm afraid (...) I could see of nor did your story have any emotion. I found it to be a very hollow piece of writing.

Hi Glenn,

I'm very surprised by your review if you compare it with the previews. But, hey, that's just your opinion. Everyone doesn't have to like it. I respect... >:(

Anyway, thank you for your time and your review.

Michel 8)

Michel

I always like the gentle innocence, tinged with darkness and foreboding you bring to your writing, this being no exception. I loved the quiet, peaceful, dialogue-less path you chose with it, totally fitted the piece, this of course in no small part is attributed to the plight of the main character.

I wondered why this woman would be so accommodating to an escaped convict but as the story unfolded you gave us, at least, some reasons as to her mindset, her  almost childishly naive romanticism towards the arrival of this man, a possible companion to her.

I take it Mike was a convict too as the last sequence suggests she summons these men from the prison with the hope they will accompany her in this lonely existence she inhabits. The implications of this are obviously huge; a deaf and dumb girl having a penchant for the rough, rugged male. But within the context of the story and in particular your gentle, sensitive prose, it fits, thus it works. The fantastical idea of attaching a steel file to a pigeon to infiltrate a prison (I am correct in deducing this, yes?) in order to help bust someone out would come across as downright crazy in another story of another writer but since I'm familiar with a number of your works it doesn't come from totally left of field or out of the blue.

The one major problem I had with the story, from a sheer logical perspective is; if the police already had an altercation with someone (Mike) here, in this very house some years back, presumably for a crime he had committed would they not have at least given the house a once over when they came looking for Nick? From the flashback it seems like she has been there for years so they know of her impaired senses (so that wouldn't have turned them off) and the fact that she had housed a criminal before.

This one is definitely to be taken with a pinch of salt, I think it could work well as an animated piece rather than live action given the nature of the story. Just a thought.

Col.

Quoted from Colkurtz8 The one major problem I had with the story, from a sheer logical perspective is; if the police already had an altercation with someone (Mike) here, in this very house some years back, presumably for a crime he had committed would they not have at least given the house a once over when they came looking for Nick? From the flashback it seems like she has been there for years so they know of her impaired senses (so that wouldn't have turned them off) and the fact that she had housed a criminal before.

Col, it's all about the sluglines. There are not the same house.

As Jane's place is called HOUSE in the slugline, the one in the flashback is FARMHOUSE. And I repeat it in the action.

Quoted Text an old wooden farmhouse

Yes. maybe it's not that clear in the script, though it's there, but it would be evident onscreen.

Hope I convinced you.

Michel 8)

Yeah, completely. Shame on my poor levels of observation.

Was I right about the pigeon, does she have a thing for jailbirds?

Quoted from Colkurtz8 Was I right about the pigeon, does she have a thing for jailbirds?

Yes, she does.

Quoted from Silent Blue Eyes Jane ties a tiny steel file to its leg, kisses it on the head, and lets the pigeon fly away. EXT. BLUE SKY - DAY The pigeon glides toward the prison.

On a second though, it should have better been a dove instead of a pigeon. More symbolic.

Michel 8)

Hey, glad I finally found this.  Maybe it's my romantic nature but I quite liked it.

As I read:
Great first line.
I think 'using sign language' sounds a little better than 'making sign language'
p3  group of men 'getting away,' should be 'going away'
'takes delicately' his hand should be 'delicately takes'

'She sits across Nick and takes his wounded hand. She looks
down at the wound for a while. She dips the towel into the
water and gingerly starts to clean the wound.'   You use 'wound' three times in this paragraph, might want to try to mix it up.  Also you never describe the wound, is it deep, long, shallow?  
'as if the entire house was belonging in the past' might read better 'as if the entire house belonged in the past'
'picture under frame'  can just be 'framed picture'
p5  'he threats them' with the ax, should be 'threatens them'  (Yea english is ridiculous)
brazier isn't really commonly used.  its not wrong, just a little out of place.  Also Blake smoke should be black smoke.

Aside from all those grammatical bits I really enjoyed it.  I absolutely love the ending, it beautiful.  Totally fairy tale ish, a woman summoning men from the prison.  Perhaps to make it a little more believable you might try to increase the surreal/fairy tale feeling through out.  It reads fairly seriously, which is why its a little hard to buy the woman seducing the man until the end.  
Assuming this has happened before you might make the guards a little more insistent on entering, and her resolutely blocking the door.  
If the scar is supposed to be a reason she stays away from other people you might want to describe it more clearly.  I think it would be great if it was pretty large and marred her pretty face significantly.  Movies always like to have cute little scars that show how tough and tragic people are without disturbing their attractiveness.  Course if it was large it couldnt just be from getting pistol whipped.

Really did like it though, some powerful images, very mysterious.  Keep it up.

Hey guys,

Silent Blue Eyes is going to be produced. But I must say Silent Dark Eyes, because the main character will turns out to be a Black woman.... ;)

Anyway I'll keep you posted...

Thanks for anyone's upport. I know I haven't been much present, but I don't forget you....

May the force be with you....

Michel 8)

Excellent news Michel!!

I hope tomorrow will be a great day for you. Happy Birthday!    :K)

I know, but you can still spend it with your son. You two can have a great day. Make him take you out to dinner or something. Give him some money and let him plan it.  :)

He's away with his gds parents. But never mind. Next year will be better....

Hey all,

I'm proud to announce that the short is gonna be shot soon in India.... Because of this new location, the new title will be "Silent Dark Eyes"

http://www.indiegogo.com/Silent-Dark-Eyes

please follow the link above to read some more.

Michel 8)

Michel,

Congrats on your script going into production!
That's something to be proud of for the rest of your life.

I like the lack of dialogue and that you made your female protagonist a deaf mute.
I'm not sure about the proclivity towards prisoners, but it plays fine.

Your opening line of description caught me off guard.
At first, I thought I was reading a sci fi thriller about the sun crushing the earth. ;)
Other than some word choice issues, this is an interesting read, thanks!

I did wonder if that was a booty call pigeon at the end though! ^^;

Regards,
E.D.

Congrats Michel!


Phil

I got it. It's subtle stuff. A film with a "foreign" film feel and sensibility IMO. I got it.

I liked the way we really weren't sure who she was to this guy or whether he was in danger of her or she in danger of him for quite some time. I started out thinking she was a random house he happened upon and fearing for her. Then I though he was a boyfriend she had helped escape. I liked this script and story. Good work!

A few hints: did hebhappen upon her by chance? We know from the ending that she orchestrates the escapes but how? Part of me wants to see him guided to the cottage by something although that removes some of the initial tension your audience naturally feels at their initial meeting (and that would be bad, IMO). I like not knowing the relationship. Maybe something at the end with the pigeon and file. Maybe a note with a guide map? I dunno. Maybe not.

Next sticking point: dogs. Theyd know he was inside. The fact that the police dogs didn't get him strikes me strange. Why? Are the cops in on it or OK with what shes doing? It wasn't 100% clear to me. But I don't think they'd be. I'd suggest losing the dogs. I dont think it changes the story at all but it removes some head scratching for me, anyway.

Overall I really enjoyed this! Please notify me if you update it. I'd love to read it.

Congrats, Michel.

The premiere of my short Silent Dark Eyes (formerly Silent Blue Eyes) is planned on 22 Jan @ Old Cinema, Regent Street, London. I'll be there and I'm very excited.....

Quoted from michel The premiere of my short Silent Dark Eyes (formerly Silent Blue Eyes) is planned on 22 Jan @ Old Cinema, Regent Street, London. I'll be there and I'm very excited.....

Michel,

More info please!  URLs of venue of the movie anything else!

Don

Congrats, Michel! Unfortunately I'm busy Saturday evening otherwise I'd definitely try and gatecrash...great work, and hope it goes well.

Well congrats Michel, always nice to hear great news like this.  I'm sure everyone will love it.

Good Luck

Ghostwriter

Quoted from JonnyBoy Congrats, Michel! Unfortunately I'm busy Saturday evening otherwise I'd definitely try and gatecrash...great work, and hope it goes well.

Jon,

I completely understand.  You are probably donating a kidney or something that night...

Don

Congratulations Michel. Glad to hear it. You’ve got a good premise. I think the film will probably do well. Good luck with it. :)


Breanne

Thanks everyone. I'll keep posted about my impressions and audience reaction. One thing I already know is that this film has been adjudged as the best of this year from Westminster Film School and also gained the highest mark so far in this course.

Cross my fingers and toes.....

Michel 8)

Good luck Michel. Regardless of anything, Congrats on this script made.

Gabe

Michel,

My old friend, where have you been? I am so glad to hear from you and that your script is getting the attention it deserves.

Take care. I can't wait to see the reviews.

Shawn.....><

Michel,

Congrats on having this filmed. I just read the script. Very visual and sad. I think in the hands of the right director, this could be genious. I wish you the best.

James

Good luck Michel... Enjoy the spotlight!

Congratulations, Michel!

Hope it goes well for you, well done.

Hello,

Had a read but didn't enjoy it, sorry. Few spelling and grammer mistakes in there, but overall I just didn't get the story.

Mojo

"Silent Dark Eyes" has been selected for Cannes Short Film Corner part of Cannes Festival 2012!!!

Congrats Michel.

That's huge.  Congrats.  I just read the script.  Whatta trip.  Wish I could meet a lady like Jane.

Awesome! Congrats Michel!

Congratulations!

From "This Week's Screenplay Requests: 593"

"InkTip Short at Cannes

Rajesh Divakaran found "Silent Dark Eyes" on InkTip, bought it from writer Michel Duthin, and got the completed film accepted into the prestigious Cannes Short Film Corner where it was screened last week. Rajesh has shot a number of short films from scripts discovered on InkTip, but this is his first Cannes Film Festival entry. This is Michel Duthin's second success through InkTip."

Quoted from michel From "This Week's Screenplay Requests: 593" "InkTip Short at Cannes Rajesh Divakaran found "Silent Dark Eyes" on InkTip, bought it from writer Michel Duthin, and got the completed film accepted into the prestigious Cannes Short Film Corner where it was screened last week. Rajesh has shot a number of short films from scripts discovered on InkTip, but this is his first Cannes Film Festival entry. This is Michel Duthin's second success through InkTip."

Saw this notice in my inbox from InkTip.
Congrats Michel! You made it to Cannes!
Hold your head up high.

Regards,
E.D.

Quoted from Electric Dreamer Congrats Michel! You made it to Cannes!

This the second time. First was back in..... 1988.

Congrats! With Cornetto's "A Doll's Life" that makes it two SS members with films in Cannes this year!  :)

TWO simply script members at Cannes? Wow, how awesome is that. :-) Congats to the both of you.

"Silent Dark Eyes" which was in Cannes is in the competition section of International Documentary and Short Film Festival of Kerala India which has started on 8th June, 2012.
Our film will be screened on Monday, 11 June at 8.30 pm. Good feedback from the festival so far.

http://iffk.in/idsffk2012/index.php?page=schedule