Night of Hell by Daniel Robinson - Short, Horror - When demons come to town one man must try and stop them if he can… 6 pages - pdf, format 8)

Okee dokie.

Maybe SPOILERS!!

Hey Daniel,

I say it almost everytime I review your shorts but some of the descriptions need to... well, describe more. Some of the dialogue just doesn't fit in more than others. I wasn't sure if you were going for a bit of a comedy or horror. Saying that, the story was good and could've, again, been a lot better if it had been written differently. The synopsis you've got attached to this is misleading for me. You don't know there are demons until later on. I don't get why Randy needed to ask: "Is it human...?" When Paul had just said it was a body. I mean, Randy's emotions should've stopped him from asking questions like that. I man holding a shotgun with a body in his trunk coming inside your house... I'd be pretty crapping myself and so would most people, especially a family man.

I think if you wrote this with a slightly different approach, like with no one knowing that the BODY is actually a demon until morning when the kids come and tell them that "There's something in the garden..." that'd freak me out,  just that line would.

I think this short could be cool. Just re-think some things. I like the ending, very good, keep the ending for definite.

Hope I helped in any way. Good luck, well done, and keep writing.

GBM

Thanks,

I will do a re-write soon,

Dan