The Adventures of Joe and Bo by John Denver - Series, Comedy - The Adventures of Joe and Bo in: Internet Dating.  Joe learns the rules of internet dating the hard way. 5 pages - html, format 8)

Yeah, this is right up there with Battlefrogs and The Cabin.

Page 1 absolutely, positively must be read.

The only part about this story that isn't completely retarded is when he throws the bottle and there are already a whole bunch of broken bottles there.

It reminded me of some friends that had this big, screened in porch right off the livingroom, and they would always throw their beer bottles in there from the couch or wherever and they would just smash.  Everybody did it.  It drove the neighbors batty all that breaking glass.  And they did this for, like, the whole year they lived there.  There was literally like six inches of broken glass and you couldn't even go out there.  It was hilarious.  Good times, man.

But, yeah -- the rest of this was pretty retarded.

I come to this website pretty often and have posted a few of my own scripts here. I visit the board sometimes and read everything...this is like my third post or something. But I felt I just HAD to reply to this.

Wow...that was....terrible. Not only did you overuse and drop the F-bomb in random places that didn't even make sense, but I have no idea what the point of this story is. Is it a series? Because if it is it is way too short. Is it a short film? Because if it is...what's the point? It was, in my opinion, the worst thing I've read on this website.

Not to mention the fact that the beginning description wasn't the tiny bit funny...and even if it was...what's the point? If this was filmed...nobody would know about that? Keep the funny parts for the dialogue. And, while you're at it, write better dialogue.

Err... this seems more like a scene rather than a short. I could go into details about all the no-no's on the script, but why bother...

I did like the beer bottle toss though.

I didn't get the beginning of this, is it suppose to be a voice over?  If not then what the hell is it all about.  A screenplay stroke novel, I don't know?  It makes no sense as a description so I guess it's a voice over but it's not indicated as a voice over...oh who cares.  Needless to say thats as a far as I got with this screenplay.

That scrennplay was...... painful to read. It really did suck. You swore even too much for MY liking, which, as other would agree, it quite a lot. If this is supposed to be a comedy, the only joke is the description of the room. And it wasn't even funny.

I'd say this REALLY needs some work. I mean, think about it. If this gets filmed, the only joke in a COMEDY script won't be included.

It's cute, putting jokes into the description is nice knowing that it'll be read before it'll be filmed. But the whole thing just doesn't feel right. The dialogue is weak, and some of the characters lines are mixed up, though I didn't notice at first because they seem like the same person.

(uh, spoiler.)


On the positive, I did like that you used the webcam as a sort of end twist.