Footloose, Cut Loose by Alex Cooper - Short, Mockrama - A Clockwork Orange show us how the damaged human psyche would react to a classical song, just think what Footloose could do. 10 pages - pdf, format 8)

I don't know why, but for some reason I thought this was going to be funny and it wasn't.  You did a good job on the pacing though.  I think this was no longer or shorter than it should have been, with just anough buildup before the payoff. Interesting concept too.

Nice work.

I didn't to have any deliberate comedy in this, I basicly just wanted to make fun of those kind of stories.

Ape

Just what in the hell is a mockrama? Is that even a word? If you mean it's supposed to be mocking a drama, then the term is dramedy. I think. Anywho, I thought this was a pretty good script. A stronger entry in your resume than I Named Him Thor, which I also liked. It had good pacing, an interesting concept and just enough weirdness to keep me interested for a whopping ten pages. I woulnd't make it any longer though.

Incidentally, I thought A Clockwork Orange is better than this. Honestly, I think you're a good writer and it's a good script, but, c'mon, we're talking about Kubrick here. Enough said. And also, I don't like the implication that Footloose is somehow better than Beethoven. Is that what you're trying to say? Are you implying that Footloose is better or would be anymore effective than Beethoven? Because good old Beethoven has been around for a lot longer and I hadn't even heard of Footloose until you showed this to me.

ANYWHOODLES

GETTING A LITTLE OFF TOPIC HERE

Good, strong entry. It does everything a second script is supposed to do, carry on the same effective techniques used in the first script, but expand with more interesting characters and all in all be better. Good job. Can't wait till your next gripping piece is up on the site. Though I suspect I'll be seeing it a little bit before hand anyhow.


Cheers, Chism.

Chism, i wasn't comparing my script to A clockwork Orange, i was merely using it as a eye catching reference.

And with the whole bethoven thing I meant it in the way that '..how the damaged human psyche would react to a good song, just think what bad eighties song could do' . Understand?

Understood.

Ape,
  I like the how you delineate, and enable the reader to feel how something like a song can act as a trigger to impact a person's state of consciousness.  I duck into a corner and assume the fetal position every time I hear Ton Loc's Funky Cold Medina.  Not because of anything I experienced when I heard the song, but just because it's a really annoying song.  And speaking of really annoying, your script wasn't.  I liked it.  It did seem like it was leading up to a big comedic finale that never happened, but it kept my interest until the end, just the same.  Thanks.

Yeah i had trouble with the end, i got there and didnt no where to go.

I hate myself for not being a great reviewer, but all I don't really have too much to say. It has all been said already...

-Interesting concept and story

-Good job pacing.

-Not really any visible errors. (Meaning non that stand out).

-And overall a nice script.

You are obviously an intelligent writer, and those qualities are always good qualities. So keep at it you Ape.

:D

-Bo

Cheers Bojangles, it's good to see this short getting some comments all of a sudden. I just figured out what your pictures from..... bit slow.