Happiness is as simple as a phone call... by Michel J. Duthin - Short - This title says it all.  5 pages - pdf, format 8)

Hey Michel,

Pretty funny joke you have here.  I say joke because that's pretty much what I picture this as.  Just a quick filmed gag that you'd find on a website somewhere.

Anyway, I chuckled.

Haha this was hilarious! I didn't expect the ending to come out like that! I loved it and I would like to see this filmed or something. Great job!

Sean

I love the end Michel! GREAT STUFF! :D

I must admit I did this one just for fun.

Glad you liked it.


Michel 8)

Funny short.

This I thought was a good one. Pretty funny in the end, kind of a cooky twist. I thought this was gonna be really bad, honestly. things of this length are rarely good but I ended up enjoying it quite a bit.

And incidentally, I don't think it's a good thing for that woman to be talking about pearl necklaces so suggestively. I assume she was talking about an actual pearl necklace and not the other kind, because that is just....

I don't know where I'm going with this. Anyway, the length was good, had enough to keep me interested for the full minute it took me to read it so kudos to you.

Cheers, Chism.

Or is it just a complete copy of this joke -


A man in a gym locker picks up a cellphone.
"Hi Honey', the female voice says "Remember that furcoat, oh can I have it pleaaaazzzze ?"
Sure, the guy replies.
"And what about this Mercedes SLK I saw recently?", she asks.
No problem, he says.
"Can I call the constructors to build that swimming pool then?", she asks.
Off course, the man replies.
She hangs up ecstactically:"Thank you honey, I love you !"

The man looks around and asks: "Whose phone is this ?"


Or this -

http://fmaccounting.com/humours/

yeh have to say not very original, would be better told at a party. and too many typos!

So it's an adaption....

It was an old joke, but it was told pretty well.

I want to make a suggestion in how you introduce characters, Michel.  In this script, you introduce Chet as:

Among them, a well-built and alluring man opens his locker.  He is in his mid-thirties, tanned skinn.  He is CHET

you may want to introduce characters more like this:

CHET (30) opens his locker.  He's an alluring and well-built man.

It's a little easier to identify a character when you start with his name.

My two cents.


Phil

Hey Michel, i've read a couple of your shorts before so I gave it a read.
Like many people have commented, its more of a joke than a story but it is funny.  It would work great in a sketch show or something similar, we have plenty of humour like this on British sketchshows and it wouldn't look out of place.

Quoted from Alex J. Cooper So it's an adaption....

Exactly!

Thanks to everyone for your comments.

BTW, it maybe could become a produced short. People asked me to shoot it.

Wait and see...

Michel 8)

Niiice. That was pretty cool Michel. I've never heard of that joke... I don't think.. so that was funny and new to me. Well told.

Thank you Parkster. I fancied it too.

By the way, what's about your next script?

Michel 8)

Just to let everyone knows there is a new version of the script available.

Hope you will like it better

Michel 8)

Yea, it will be nice to make the short from this script. i never heard about this joke so it was very funy for me and will be very funy for everybody else who will see the film made from it.

It was nice. Good job.

Thank you datha for reading my short. I'm glading you enjoyed it.

I must admit that this new version is more cinetic than the first one. At least you can put a face on the woman's voice.

Quoted from datha it will be nice to make the short from this script. i never heard about this joke so it was very funy for me and will be very funy for everybody else who will see the film made from it.

I think the script would be filmed before the end of the year. Let you know when everything is settled.

Michel 8)