Pictures: A Campfire Story by Kyle Paquet (Eomir) - Short, Horror, Thriller - A Boy, singled out and outcast for his morbid ability to draw monsters, has lived a lonely life, and has only two friends; outcasts like himself.  One day he finds a Pen in a park. Little does he know that this pen has magic abilities, and whatever is drawn with it becomes reality. When the Boy uses the Pen to draw one of his monsters, he and his friends are in serious danger... 29 pages - doc, format 8)

Glad someone like me didn't find that pen....All I can draw are stick figures  :'(

* SPOILERS *

* First off, cool idea for a story.
* You failed to capitalize the first appearance of boy.  It's simply "Boy" instead of "BOY"  In fact I noticed this with a few other characters.
* The bullies were mentioned that they beat up the boy on a regular basis.  Yet...How do we as an audience know that?  Maybe if one of the bullies said something like "another day, another beating" or something.
* The whole camera angles thing...Some say to keep 'em but most say lose them.  I tend to agree with the later group.  I feel that unless you plan on shooting this yourself then don't use a lot of camera angles in your short.
* Some of the dialogue seems awfully mature for kids.  I'm way old and I don't have that kind of vocabulary.
* I have to admit...The kid gets beat up by bullies and yet his monsters don't come to life and eat them?  I was kinda disappointed with that. lol
* Nice pay off with the whole drawing of the sword.  

A cool little story  ;)

Thanks for the feedback. I LOVE feedback, and it's mainly why I post things on the 'Net. In response to the comments:

1. Thanks. It's based on a story by M. Night Shyamalan, the guy who did "The Sixth Sense", "Signs", etc. It's a short movie he did when he was a kid.
2. I felt it would be too dramatic if it introduced in CAPS. I wanted it to be just sort of matter-of-fact, like "It's just a boy". The other characters the same.
3. I figured I conveyed that horrible things like this have happened like this several times by the Boy's future narration by him predicting everything that would happen later.
4. I wanted it to be in-depth and dramatic. The angles seem vital to the mood to me.
5. I'm fifteen. The dialogue is based on my everyday dialect. If it's too mature... It's because I'm too mature!
6. I didn't wan't there to be any human deaths. That seems to stereotypical of a horror plot and it would also be pretty hard to sweep under the rug after the whole ordeal.
7. I love medival weaponry. The Sword was origionaly going to be just a way of telling the audience "Look. The Pen's magic!" But then I thought, "Whoa, what if he killed the monster WITH the sword!"

My best ideas start with the question "What if?"

Thanks again for commenting!

-Paquet, Kyle, Egypto-Mythologist