Body on the Road by Alan Summers - Short - A guy and his girl discover a body on a deserted road while heading north for a holiday weekend, but the discovery of the body is only the begining of the events taking place. - doc, format 8)

Let's just jump to it shall we?

* SPOILERS! *

* One thing that struck me as soon as I looked at your short was...EVERYTHING IS IN CAPS!  I'm no genius by any means but I'm pretty sure that's a no-no when it comes to script writing.
* Your format was off.  Maybe because you did this is wordpad, I dunno  :-/
* I liked the general idea of the story but I dunno, I just couldn't get into this.  Sorry man.

Hi Alan,
Sorry, but I gave up on reading this too. It was a combination of CAPS "we sees, we hears", and camera directions that took me out of the story. You may have a story in there that is worth telling, but the format issues blocked them from coming across.
I believe you are new to screenwriting. It is a craft that takes time to learn how to do it properly. I am still learning, too.  :)
I think you could benefit by reading some of the scripts here from members who have been here for awhile like Mike Shelton, Phil, George, bert. They should help you.
It takes time, but it is well worth it. So keep writing.  :)
Cindy

Alan,
I really like this script..... Yeah the caps bothered me but I enjoyed the story.

What's the scoop with this script? I'm looking for a script to shoot. Email me if you get a moment:   jayekko  @  yahoo.com

Jay

Thank you to every one for their comments.

Yes, I am new to screen writting, and I realise now that it should not be in caps.  I am going to re-write it, without caps and review the formatting.  I believe in my story, so I think its worth thr re-write.

Thanks again guys.

Alan.

It's good to know a fellow Scot is writing screenplays. I will give this a read tomorrow and tell you what i think.
                                    Robert.

PS I read first five pages already and the caps thing, i'm sure you already know lmao. Also too many camera angles. This interrupts the flow of the script. But good so far.

One other question, are these guys american tourists?

Why'd you ask that?

You have a good title that provokes curiosity.

The dialogue (less F-words would improve it alot) and the action have suspense going. I like how Greg comes out in the end. It's a good story.

You could shorten by losing so much detail about the car movements, the lights, the showers and eating, etc. Some unneeded repetitions there.

Lots of typos and misspellings, and the CAPS, of course, need fixing. But it has good possibilities.

Thankyou,

Im glad that you like the story.  Im re-writing it as we speak.  More comments are welcomed as I really want to improve this.