Cigarette Break by Steve Meredith (SRUSteve09) - Short, Drama - Hunter and Jessica work the night shift together at a rural gas station.  One night they debate the behavior of mankind. 9 pages - pdf, format 8)

I like your writing style.  I can really see the pictures you're painting.  I'm gonna go over a few things that I think you need to improve on.  First work on the natural style of your dialogue.  Think of how the scene is molding together in your head.  Go over it again and again (I struggle with this too sometimes).  But if you read it over or even aloud to yourself, you'll find where the awkward spots are.  Next, you must cut the unneeded out of your dialogue.  Instead of saying, "Yeah,sure."  Have the characters say "Sure."  It doesn't seem normal, but when you read it back to yourself, you'll notice a monster difference.

Hi Steve. I read it and I think you wrote better scripts than that. It seemed so ordinary that I didn't feel nothing more than a chat without a power that grabs us. I didn't feel nothing when I read it, sorry.

In the first pages I thought that when they get out to smoke one one the will put the butt way on the pump and when the finished their talk would the gas station blows out! BUM!

Hey, Seteve there is a free format program to write script named Celtex, try this in order to make your script read.