Perfect For Each Other by Cindy L. Keller - Short - A young woman thinks she has found the perfect man for her younger sister; maybe she has, but one thing's for sure, it'll be a night they remember for a long, long time. 5 pages - rtf, format 8)

Hey Cindy, this was different.

This seemed more like a skit rather than a script, but you had two big laughs, I never thought you would be into bodily funtion humour :D

Anyways this was a cute story.  good job :)

Hey Cindy!

It was a very simple and amazing momentum. I don't know when, but I said to Kevan that you have a good humour vein. Here it is. Oh, Doug should be named Bart Simpson having his first meeting with a girl when was grown.

Good!

BTW, Cindy, have more scripts inside The Cab's Tales, dear!

Hey Jordan,

Well, I wanted to write a silly little script set in one location. Something quick and hopefully funny. First meetings are always kind of tense. People try to put their best foot forward, be polite. LOL I just thought it could be funny if... :)

Anyway, I've polished it up quite a bit at home. Trimmed the beginning descriptions, fixed Debbie's dialogue at the beginning to say how polite Doug is (that's why he pet the cat), and he other dialogue on the bottom of page one to say he's someone from her work and not mention his name.  

Thanks for giving it a read. :)

Helio,

I'm glad you liked the script. That's an idea with Bart Simpson. Humm....
A good humor vein? That's nice.  :)

I'll read the Cab Tales (those are pretty neat little stories) but I have to go to work here soon. Probably read them tonight... I still have to finish The Woe, too...

Cindy

I wasn't sure where this was going at first.  I was hoping not the way of some schoolgirl mush and low and behold I was indeed happy that it went into schoolboy humour.  You can't beat a good fart gag.

I found this funny.  I do think that it could definitely be a small part of a larger story somewhere down the line, but as is it could be an interesting little micro short.

Having a short that can stand on its own as well as fit into a larger piece is a nice accomplishment, so nice job there.

Anyway, a couple of good gags that produced a couple of good laughs.  Nice job, and keep up the good work.

alffy,
Glad you liked this little script.
Can you imagine if this really happened?
Well, I'll let you in on a little secret. It did. LOL Well, part of it anyway. The ending. LOL Family has to be careful what secrets they spill around me. I'll mix it up a little and post it on the internet.  :o Ah-ha!


Mike,
So good to hear from you. I wrote this just because I wanted to write something that could be funny in just a few pages. Fitting this into a feature is a definate possibility.
LOL I know these characters, just have to figure out a fitting tale.
Thanks for giving it a read.  :)

Cindy

Hey Cindy

Read your little 5 pager, PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER script.

Interesting how this pans out.

Interesting how you play the conflict with the imminent arrival of the date and the fact that your girl character has eaten too much and has gas.. Cute set-up.

I actually thought the two jokes were funny, I giggled some as I could imagine these two characters farting and sniffing on the sofa..

Cute minor characters to which provide additional conflict preventing the other two characters achieving their goal albeit for a few minor moments with the scenes. Namely the little girl who asks the guy if he would like to stroke kitty and then again if the two lover birds would like a drink of pop..

The only criticism is you didn't have a clear antagonist but I guess the young girl if anybody was the antagonist. There was evidence of conflict within the scenes preventing the two characters from achieving their goals but interestingly you used this as a means of unity where the conflict explodes into a resolution where both characters accept each other?s flaws, signified through the humorous situation.

Well done. Good little exercise here..


Kevan

Well Kevan,
Thank you for giving this little script a read.
It was an exercise, and fun to do. I think I might add this into a feature.
Cindy

A nice little story.

I don't agree with Kevan.

I think there is a clear antagonist:

Life!

Shit happens (almost literally here!)

Everyone is always looking for Mr or Miss Right and life has a way of getting in the way.

Cindy

A great little quip about the perils of life. Complete with dripping snot and exploding farts. Now that accentuates the meaning of flaws in characters. I really liked the dialogue best in this story. It was really and matched the characters.

The endinig could have been stronger. When Debbie enters the rooms she should have taken a double take as she sniffed in the pizza fart. Maybe a fainting on the floor or something or a comment about having to go to the doctor like my grandmother used to say when I let loose in the den.

Great Job!

Spencer

Quoted from Scar Tissue Films A nice little story. I don't agree with Kevan. I think there is a clear antagonist: Life! Shit happens (almost literally here!) Everyone is always looking for Mr or Miss Right and life has a way of getting in the way.

Funny that, next time I write a script, I'll write a character whose name just happens to be "life", maybe that's where I've been going wrong.

"Life" isn't an antagonist, it provides the everyday situations where an antagonist character prevents a protagonist character from achieving their goals. Could also be represented via a group.

Screenplays which have a clearly defined protagonist and antagonist however are usually how audiences identify with the characters in story narratives, not with life. The character interactions is what provides conflict.

A story is where the protagonist has a clear set of goals and sets out on a journey to achieve them. The protagonist sets out to place obstacles in the path of the antagonist preventing him or her from achieving their goal. This is a plot. A story also has an ending where the protagonist either succeeds despite the antagonist (happy ending scenario) or the protagonist fails (unhappy ending scenario)..

That's why you need a protagonist because this character provides the conflict, it is the darkness to the protagonist's light. Simple explanation of black and white.

Make your antagonist's arguments equally valid and you place both characters between a rock and a hard place, the result would lead to a more dynamic story, and equally satisfying for an audience.

Therefore, if you don't have an antagonist, you don't have any conflict. No conflict, no drama.

And Cindy, I've considered your story and you do have an antagonist in your story, it's the little girl because she is the one who introduces conflict and prevents, albeit temporarily, the two love birds getting together.

I seem to have offended you Kevan!

That certainly wasn't the intention.

I don't think an antagonist needs to be a person, it can be any opposing force be it the weather, madness or whatever.

Some of my favourite films very loosely define the concepts of protagonist/antagonist.

My favourite short film of recent has been the "chihuahua messenger" which has no recognisable antagonist of any kind (as far as I recall).

Anyway, I apologise again if I offended you in some way.

Rick.

Quoted from Scar Tissue Films I seem to have offended you Kevan! That certainly wasn't the intention. I don't think an antagonist needs to be a person, it can be any opposing force be it the weather, madness or whatever. Some of my favourite films very loosely define the concepts of protagonist/antagonist. My favourite short film of recent has been the "chihuahua messenger" which has no reconisable antagonist of any kind (as far as I recall). Anyway, I apologise again if I offended you in some way. Rick.

I'm not offended at all.. You have your point of view and I have mine.

Hey, read your script and not bad at all,
you get your point aross that one thing for sure.
Pretty surprisingly funny at the end.
You explianded like a real life situation kind of thing.
good job.

Spencer, Rick, and Lee

Thank you for reading this script (silly as it is).
I really didn't think I'd get many comments on this one. It's so short.
I've decided that I'm writing a comedy feature, and these characters will be in it. It will be about the older sister (a single mother). I've got the ending already thought out.

Kevan,
LOL
I'll clean it up.  :)

Cindy

Quoted from CindyLKeller Kevan, LOL I'll clean it up.  :)Cindy

Cindy

I see a Romantic Comedy here, is this the idea you are thinking of?

The little girl is fart girl's little daughter. The gilr wants to date again and the little girl thinks she doesn't want the guy for her new daddy so she does everything in her power to prevent them coming together.

Make the little girl more like Denis The Menace and you get my drift..

Could work out quite good based on the 5 pages you wrote. That could be the set-up for the full story..

Becomes a battle of wills, the guy and the little girl, each have their own agenda kind of thing.. Poor mum in the middle and grandmare on the sidelines.. Plenty of scope in there for a comedy me thinks..

Keep us informed of your developmen of this project, it sounds interesting..


Kevan

Not really that, but now you've got me thinking differently.
I was still going to have the little girl as fart girl's neice. The little girl gets a crush on allergic boy.
Cindy

Hey Cindy, just took a look at this one. It accomplishes everything you intended to; the execution is flawless. I've got nothing to point that didn't work or felt out of place.

Same on the technical level; this piece is very well written. Fast and easy to read. And well formatted.

The only suggestion for improvement I can think of, is to add more conflict to this tale. Your characters accept each other and laugh, despite the inconveniences they have. The fart and the allergy problems are quickly solved; they just accept each other. The juicyest part of the script ends too quickly.

I'd suggest you to brainstorm some more ideas using the "What's the worst that could happen?" formula. It is quite used in fart humour situations. I think it was in American Pie or one of its sequels that the protagonist's hand gets glued to a porn video, and his other hand to his dick, then his father sees him, then a neighbour, then the police, etc.

Once the embarrasing moment begins, it doesn't end quicky, it gets worse and worse. And just when you think it can get any worse, it does. As the conflict grows, so do the  laughs from the audience.

Just a thought.

Overall, despite the previous observation, this was a good read. Well done.

Hey Mr.Z,
Thank you for reading the script. I know what you mean about things getting worse. Didn't think about it for this short though. I will while writing the feature.
Cindy

That was a really cute story.  I don't know what else to say, really.  It was well written and it had an excellent pay-off in the end. However, I can't help but feel if I saw it play out as an actual film I would be disappointed by the length, but as a short script it works nicely.

Dressel,
Thanks for giving this little script a read.
This is going to be in the comedy feature I'm writing.
Hopefully I can make it funny enough.
Cindy

This was not one of my favorite scripts of yours, Cindy.  Partially because I was expecting some horror or something.  When I read your synopsis, I expected him to turn out to be a serial killer or something.

The story came off as a very short scene from a bigger piece.  You didn't establish anything and you rushed everything.

And you should never rush a good fart!


Phil

LOL Phil,

This was just a little blind date meeting, and what could possibly be one of the worst things that could happen when the two do meet.

I'm working on the feature whenever I can use the computer (all these computer hogs around here lately).

Oh well. What can you do?

Thanks for giving it a read though.

Cindy