This Girl I Used to Know by Patrick Jason Rodriguez - Comedy - A comedian recounts the only meaningful relationship he's ever had. 135 pages - pdf, format 8)

Pat,

Resubmit this script in another format.  Not everyone here has Final Draft!


Phil

I don't know how to submit using any other type of format. Sorry about the confusion.

If only this was in another format, i could be reading this right now. Look around on the discussion board and you'll find some thread regarding this fdr dilemma. Que Kevan.

Alright, I'll look around for some ideas. Thanks.

By the way, and I am not being self-loathing when I say this, if by chance anyone does get an opportunity to read this script, this version sucks and I will post a newer script in the next couple of days. The plot is terrible, the dialogue reads like a third-grade book report, and the jokes misfire. I read this thing again an hour ago, and afterward I thought, 'What the hell is this? Did I honestly write this? God, it‘s disgusting.'

Truly, this is indeed a piece of fart. My apologies.  

Quoted from patrickjasonrodriguez Truly, this is indeed a piece of fart. My apologies.

Now this is a selling point!

In Final Draft, click on 'save as.'  Depending on the version you have, you save it as a rich text file or as a .pdf file which can be read in adobe.


Phil

Okay. Thanks.

I've resubmitted this as a PDF. If you’re interested in reading the script, it will be posted soon. And if you’re not interested in reading this script, it’ll still be posted soon.

Quoted from patrickjasonrodriguez Alright, I'll look around for some ideas. Thanks. By the way, and I am not being self-loathing when I say this, if by chance anyone does get an opportunity to read this script, this version sucks and I will post a newer script in the next couple of days. The plot is terrible, the dialogue reads like a third-grade book report, and the jokes misfire. I read this thing again an hour ago, and afterward I thought, 'What the hell is this? Did I honestly write this? God, it‘s disgusting.' Truly, this is indeed a piece of fart. My apologies.

Ha, Ha~! The above sounds like something I might say after letting my work sit, then, after a few days, reading it. At times I'm in love with it, at other times I hate it. This, I think, is the nature of writing.

Whatever the case, as long as it doesn't paralyze you, I think believing your work to be shit is a good thing -- it pushes you to improve.

Good luck,

Seth

Anyway, a newer format forthcoming, has anyone actually been able to read this script in FDR format? I really would like some feedback.

Thanks,

Patrick Jason Rodriguez

This script is now viewable in pdf format -- in case anyone actually cares.

Dude it seems as though you've written this entirely from your own experiences and haven't been able to step back and edit the crap.  what's funny in real life isn't necessarily funny on screen.

it also seems like your a comic trying to crow bar in your material, which is painfully unfunny

i don't wanna slate you but the cleverest thing about the script was the flower scene at the start.  that hooked me and i thought i was going to read something intelligent but my god have i just wasted three hours of my life?

I'm not trying to disparage you.  we're all trying to do what we love but jesus that dialogue was mundane.  If it's a comedy than give it some snap.

eric and seth have some good things to say about relationships but it never goes anywhere

the family scene with the cubans was awful. BUT there is the potential for laughs with the hot tea.  The similarities with the old guy and burnt seth should be make clearer.  Maybe they repeat each other…physically or otherwise

it had some nice touches, well formatted but you don't give the reader enough credit constantly making back references as to 'where we saw this character before'

i don't normally reply to this stuff but this so angered me. this was script of the day!

what were you trying to say with this piece?

it was cheesy filled with super slapstick comedy

the break up was ridiculous.  he pleaded for about 5 seconds then started crying?  If his intentions we're innocent in the car with the stripper then don't you think he would have fought his corner a bit more.  You need to look at things from an actors point of view.

I liked the start it had some nice subtleties but I was expecting something wildly different.  It focused too much on the candy coated moments and not enough on the post break up.

seth should be more bitter and confrontational WITHOUT borrowing from Larry David

cut it, tune it, it’s got to be slicker.  There’s potential if you cut 30 pages out of the happy relationship and get down to the nitty gritty

you must be a stand up?

i apologise but i had to get it out of my system.  maybe now i can get on with my day.

having canned it...don't give up.

tell me the inspiration for this?

ACE-Robstein,

LMAO!

That has got to be some of the best criticism I have ever received, and, might I add, some of the funniest. I was reading through this script earlier today (the first time I had done so in more than a year; it was removed from my computer long ago and I forgot all about until I decided to Google my name a few days ago), and, well, I couldn't agree with you more. As I was reading this, I kept asking myself, What were you thinking? And you're right, there were plenty of chances to make the dialogue seem less mundane, as you say. And it isn't that funny - too many attempts at humor with inside jokes, I suppose.

Since the time I've written this I've moved on to writing books, which I find much easier to voice (and sell!), and I haven't attempted to write another movie script, though I have written a television sitcom pilot as apart of a writing fellowship that I have not posted on this site. Suffice to say, I didn't get the writing fellowship, but I still intend to do something with that script. Someday.

As for the movie script of topic, I don't see myself working on it any further, at least not in its present medium. I think I might use that material for a future book idea.

And, yeah, I've done a few stand up appearances, but then again, it seems like everyone and their grandmother has done stand up these days, but I wouldn't call myself a comedian. But I liked the comparison to Larry David, though I don't think we have that much in common other than having been married to really smart women who then seek a divorce. Nonetheless, thanks. It made my day.

The script was totally autobiographical, and inspiration came from real life (even the incident with the Cubans!). I wish it wasn't, but that's just kind of the life I tend to lead.

Best,
Patrick Jason Rodriguez

P.S.
Not sure what flower scene you were referring to in your comment, otherwise I would self-congratulate myself for it.

P.P.S.
This was script of the day???

I glanced at this one quickly because I like the title... And here are some thoughts... You do not have a title page. You have some (ings) in there, scripts are written in present time (coughs)...

How is a Media Type person look like? That's how you described Vanessa, seriously I'm just curious...

You have a lot of (we see, we feel, we realize...) you need to eliminate some of those because they can't be recorded on camera....

hey and I LOVED the flower scene as well!!

Ayham,

>I glanced at this one quickly because I like the title... And here are some thoughts... You do not have a title page. You have some (ings) in there, scripts are written in present time (coughs)...

At the time I didn't know how to make a title page for Final Draft. ... I've seen/read scripts in both past and present tenses. But I am not sure if there is a correct/universal correct format.

>How is a Media Type person look like? That's how you described Vanessa, seriously I'm just curious...

Corporate journalist/public relations pro -- I guess you have to work in the industry to get that one.

>You have a lot of (we see, we feel, we realize...) you need to eliminate some of those because they can't be recorded on camera....

Dude, it's a first draft, not the shooting script for Annie Hall!!! It's not like those actions can't be removed.

>hey and I LOVED the flower scene as well!!

Again, not sure what flower scene is. Perhaps I should actually read this thing. Nonetheless, thanks.