Mother - Print Topic

Posted by: Don, March 17th, 2007, 5:24pm

Mother by Michel J. Duthin - Short, Horror - A boy's best friend is his mother.' This quote from Alfred Hitchcock's 'Psycho' could resume that short based on a true story. - pdf, format 8)

Posted by: Zombie Sean, March 17th, 2007, 5:43pm; Reply: 1

Hey Michel this was a good short. It was kind of eerie at first but the ending made me chuckle. Though I don't know if that was the kind of reaction you wanted from someone.

SPOILERS maybe

-- As I was reading, I seriously thought Sarabeth put something in the stew or Matt's drink, but I was wrong.

-- I like your descriptions for the people and the setting. Gets you in the mood of the setting.

-- Lol when Sarabeth said "Just follow the light!" I had the voice from The Poltergeist ringing in my head: "Stay away from the light!"

I don't really see anything wrong with this script except that maybe you could stretch it out just a bit longer. Like, give Jo a little bit more character depth and whatnot.

This was a good script. I liked it.

Sean

Posted by: bare_nerve (Guest), March 18th, 2007, 12:14am; Reply: 2

You tell a story really well but this one seems more like a drawn out joke. Not that I didn't like it... I did really.

I also think you should stretch out the characters more. Show some of Matt's relationship with his mom. Why is he obsessed with her? Also, show more of Sarabeth's characters life. Why would she give him another chance? Is she really so shallow for the reason to be "a nice, round ass"?

Like I said, you know how to tell a story but I think you need to stretch it out more. Add a few more pages.

Posted by: michel, March 21st, 2007, 7:18am; Reply: 3

Quoted from Don

Mother by Michel J. Duthin - Short, Horror

I'm surprised to see my short categorized as a Horror short.

Randy & Sean,
thank you for your comment. I'll think about the possibilities to add some more scenes between Matt and his mother. Why is he obsessed with her? He just does. I know several men around me who can't help comparing the girls around with their "perfect" mother. I do like Jo character and I thought about her meeting her boyfriend when she steps out the swimming pool, but I though it would slow the pace of the story concentated on Sarabeth.

Thanks again to both of you

Michel 8)