Sick Day by David Wells - Short, Comedy - An ill employee calls in to take a sick day only to find out that management has developed a new and unique approach in dealing with employee ailments. 10 pages - pdf, format 8)

Hmm, that was was pretty humorous.  It was an extraordinarily quick read I must say and was clear and concise.

One typo I noticed is on the top of page 8 you're missing a "no" when Jim is saying that they don't cover physicals anymore.

Your dialogue is very well done - sounded pretty real and the entire scene plays out well in my mind.  I wouldn't be surprised if you had an offer by a filmmaker for this, unless of course, you plan to make it yourself.

Really, the only thing that I would change is the length of the conference the boss went to.  Perhaps three days is meant to be irony because the boss really isn't certified to be doing those sort of things, but in my own opinion, I think a full week would play out a little better, but that's just me being querky.

I liked the ending for this one.  It's simple and straightforward, but still funny and very fitting.

Good job, I think I'll look around for other things you have written if you have any.

-Pat

Yeah, this story was pretty funny in a satirical way, though certainly unbelievable. Even if you went over the top on this one you still managed to make a clear statement about the healthcare system in the US. I thought the script itself was well-written and fast paced.

I didn't mind that the characters was so-and-so described, since I didn't feel that this story was about the characters but more about the system.

Cheers
Rob

I liked this.  It had a good set up and the punchline came at the right time.   Was funny, without being too over the top.  Also has a cool topical side.  Feels like a short in some comedy skit program.  Well done.

Dethan

Hey David,

Cute story.


SPOILERS


I read this one hoping to find a new good excuse for missing work. LOL
What I found though, was a short that made me smile. :)

There is a block of description on page 4 that I think should be broken up though. Where Jim parks, Dave looks out of the window watching him, and Jim rings the door bell.

Other than that, I thought it was well-written, had good dialogue, and a cute story.

Cindy  

This was a really quick read but it was really good. You managed to take something completely unbelievable and make it work without being corny. Good job.

Thanks to all for such encouraging words regarding the script.  It appears that some guys from New England are going to produce it. Best of luck to all, Dave.

That makes two members getting produced in what? A week?
Did they find your script here?

Anyway, a big congrats to you.  ;D

Cindy

Cindy, it was really quite odd.  I was home sick a couple of weeks ago and the idea hit me while on antibiotics.  I wrote the script within one hour.  I never had such a creative hit. It flowed naturally. I swear, it wasn't because of the drugs because I was feeling miserably.

Within three days, in response to a posting on the web from some guys who were looking for short scripts, they agreed to do it.  They wanted me to write one more scene so they could get a third guy in the film.  Although the scene is not in the script you read, it basically set up how the guy got sick in the first place (hung over from too much partying at a baseball game, the same game he also spotted his boss attending).

It creates some nervous tension because the sick guy is not sure if his boss spotted him or not.  So that's the story.  It took about a week before Simply Scripts posted it and by that time I had already committed it.  Thanks again, Dave.

Congrats on getting produced. Can't wait to see it. The "newer verion" sounds interesting.

Hey David,
this was a good, amusing read.  it's definitely one of the better light hearted comedies I've come across on the site. It was paced really well and comes to a clear, satisfying ending. Only line that seemed out of place was when Dave said he was two seconds away from kicking his ass, I could picture him saying that after he mentions the rectal exam, but not so early into the exam.
once they meet in person the back and forth dialogue between them worked really well, good stuff.  

Quoted from dlwells4 They wanted me to write one more scene so they could get a third guy in the film.  Although the scene is not in the script you read, it basically set up how the guy got sick in the first place (hung over from too much partying at a baseball game, the same game he also spotted his boss attending). It creates some nervous tension because the sick guy is not sure if his boss spotted him or not.  So that's the story.  It took about a week before Simply Scripts posted it and by that time I had already committed it.  Thanks again, Dave.

The additional scene sounds great, but then the ending would need a little something, wouldn't it?
What if his boss tossed a baseball at him when he walked out the door?

Just a suggestions.

Cindy

Cindy, I had a slightly different ending where the boss says "Go Red Sox" but I like your idea better so I will use it instead, thanks a lot, Dave.

;D
You're welcome

Cindy

Hey David

I found this rather amusing.  I liked the dialogue, it worked well and read very quickly.

One question though, when Dave phones Jim at the start, Jim knows it's Dave without him saying so.  Jim probably wouldn't know who was calling especially if Dave's got a cold.

As for the story, it was good.  I know one thing though and thats I wouldn't have let Jim get that far...no man's cupping my balls!! lol.

Anyway good stuff

I really enjoyed this script. It was a fast read and really enjoyable. The dialouge worked really well and you seemed to make an unbelievable situation into a believable situation.

Another good suggestion.  I'll fix that too, thanks, Dave.

Best screenplay I have read here to date.  You kept me laughing the whole time.

tweak

Thanks for such a kind comment, Dave.

This one was pretty good, Dave.

Possible Spoilers

I enjoyed the gags that came from the set up about medical training for middle management. The only thing that stood out for me was that Dave's sick days didn't seem to be that excessive (3 days in eight months) but on the other hand, I guess that makes Jim's behaviour all the more bizarre.

Good luck with the short film.

Thanks to all for the positive feedback. I will incorporate into final draft. Cheers!