Prison Break 3x01 - "Ino Kan" by Devon Ragnar - Series, Action - Michael makes new friends but a confrontation with an old foe leaves him breathless; Lincoln searches for Sara in all the wrong places; T-Bag grows a tail; Bellick is being toyed with; and faces from the past make a surprise appearance. 35 pages - pdf, format 8)

I like this.  I like it a lot.  The teaser opens with enough energy to sustain me, and you do something that the show does all the time - you make us feel like the train is leaving the station, so we'd better catch up.  I can tell that you've watched every episode very carefully, because you've got most of these characters to a "t".  You have Michael & Mahone perfectly, but I occasionally had issues with Linc's dialog.  In parts, it sounded too eloquent for someone as flat as Lincoln.  Though, I will say, I've had this same problem with actual episodes numerous times, so it fits with the rest of the series.

The scenes are too short, but that doesn't make them bad.  The scene of Mahone & Michael teaming up for the prison fight is excellent.  That is EXACTLY what I think awaits Michael once he enters that glowing room in Sona.

All things considered, the teaser and first act are great, and I could clearly see the show following such an angle.  And I'm glad you brought L.J. back into the picture.

EasyMac742,

Since you registered solely to comment on the script, I believe I owe you to do the same, even though that means revealing my secret identity ;)

First of all, let me apologize for any errors I may commit in this message. English is far from my first language.

I'm very glad you liked the script. It really makes me want to write more, which is something I really like doing, but fear the results are not as good as I'd want.

To adress your comments: I'm especially proud of how I handled Mahone, so your compliments mean a lot. I agree thought that Lincoln's deciption is far from perfect. Not only his voice in wrong, he is almost useless in the story. I blame tight deadline (the script was written in about three days since I raced to have it out by the first monday after season finale) ;)

Not only the scenes are too short but the script itself is too. I actually have the overall arc for this fictional season worked out, but I felt putting more plot in this chapter would destroy the composition and opted for a leaner but meaner script.

Personally, I wouldn't be so wild about bringing L.J. into the picture, but I did it anyway knowing it would pay off. My idea for the season - had I decided to continue, which is not exactly a great idea with a day job and opportunities to tell original stories - was to create new dynamics by pairing known characters in new ways. L.J. would become a hostage of T-Bag for a couple of episodes - a curious combination, I hope you agree - and then be taken under Sucre's wing. Both characters are rather infantile, so I believe seeing them struggle against a deadly conspiracy would be fun, if nothing else.