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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board  /  Script Reviews  /  Thirteen Ghosts
Posted by: tweak, May 1st, 2007, 11:44pm
I started reading this screenplay today.  I hope to finish it up tomorrow.

What stood out for me is how vivid the action sequences were written.  There is more going on visually then with dialogue.  Most of the character's dialogue in the beginning deals with them coming to terms with the house.  The dialogue is brief, and we are provided with a lot of great visuals.

This is a great example of showing versus telling.  T

he screenplay also breaks from following strict grammar in the actions sequences, which let's the reader read faster.  I need to try this as well.

Another thing done very well was the moving between different groups of characters in the opening battle.  I am trying to learn how to do this, and I want to use it in my Kid Whisperer story.  The method of building up two scenes before they clash was impressive.

The camera shots through the ghost glasses provides for great suspense.  The cool part was showing the audience something that differed from what the character saw.  I am not sure how this would have been written as spec.  But those shots add to the creep factor of the story.

Also, each character speaks in a specific way.  For not having a lot of dialogue, this helps to differentiate the characters pretty well.

The other great thing about this screenplay was the opening sequences.  Those sequences provide answers for when we are in the house.  We are put almost one step ahead of the characters.  This creates a feeling of anticipation.  I hope to mimic this in some future writing.
Posted by: tweak, May 2nd, 2007, 8:30pm; Reply: 1
I finished it up today.  What is exciting about this script is how it draws you in.  This read this script very fast.

If you were to outline the story, it's very simple.   What this story does that I haven't explored is creating a journey for the viewer to take before revealing what is happening.  The characters enter the house and are almost immediately put into harms way.  When the characters can finally catch their breath, the screenwriter drops us some information.

The information doesn't come in waves though.  And I enjoyed how the audience some times has the leg up on the audience.  This does a great job of creating suspense.  And the non-stop action keeps you reading.  What was interesting here was that the screenwriter used very short sentences to speed up the read in places.  He even used fragments in places.

The ending was kinda cheesy, but the journey was a fun ride.  Now, I am on to "Inside Man" and maybe another un-produced script -- which has to been in PDF for me to read it.
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