Deacon's Creed by Tom Batt (pickles4uk) - Thriller, Film Noir, Mystery, Crime - Marc Deacon has left a past behind in his old town of Hammett to start a fresh at university, but when Marc's younger brother Martin is killed Marc must return home for the funeral. Set in a town filled with crime and drug abuse amongst teens, Marc must find out what happened to his brother, while avoiding his terrible past. He must gain the trust of the main two rival gangs as well as avoid the school headmaster Mr Wesker. By entering his old school and college he will question the suspects to learn the truth, but it won't be easy. In an adult world run by students, Marc will be faced with a tough challenge. 107 pages - doc, format 8)

I really enjoyed this script. The plot was very interesting, as was the mystery. I liked being able to see how determined Marc was to find his brother's killer. Another interesting point was how he had to figure out how to gain the trust of two rival gangs, while avoiding Mr.Wesker. There wasn't too much wrong with the script, but I did find a few things that could've been different.

MAJOR SPOILERS!!!!

-First, and probably the most important, was that I didn't really like how the first big reveal played out. (Sonny being involved with Shannon and setting up the alley robbery) I thought it was a nice twist, but it would've been better IMO if Marc would've found actual evidence of that instead of hearing it from the Head, such as finding a picture of them two together or seeing them together (I'm assuming that it was Sonny that he saw Shannon kissing before he ran from the pack of guy's)

-Second, I thought it was a little too obvious when the Magician said that the killer was closer than he thought. After that line I knew that Raymond was the killer. However, this might just be because I, like the Magician, am really good at manipulating my words and choosing them carefully to where only I would understand it.

-Finally, the character of Token seemed rather useless. Although he was a little humorous, for the most part his character was unnecessary. However, I have an idea for that..

END OF MAJOR SPOILERS


Altogether, I really enjoyed this script. The cliffhanger was good, but I would love to read more about this character's journey. I would like to see a sequel possibly involving a plot where Rachel goes missing, or gets murdered even. Or maybe even a whole other story. It would definitely give you a chance to redeem Token's character and give him some relevance.