Untitled by Daniel Robinson - Short, Drama - When Danny's best friend get's murdered it's up to him to stop the bad guys. 13 pages - pdf, format 8)

Hey Daniel,

Formatting was okay, so you obviously know what you're doing in that department, but the action that drove this story was pretty lame. Randy's explanation as to why he killed Tommy and his mother just didn't make sense. It also didn't make sense that Randy didn't just kill Danny and his mum, from the get go.

Your descriptions also need work. You didn't describe what your characters looked like, or what their ages were.

If I was you, I’d cut my losses with this one and move on to the next project.

Hey Dan,
The story is pretty good I think. And your formatting was good.
But I think the guy above is a little wrong in being discriptive totally at first. you see... when I write my scripts I don't write in that that format. I kinda write mine as if it's a story. (sorta kinda)

I just posted a series on here for people to read. It's called Uncaged. read that and you'll see how I write mine. I don't tell everybody aboutmy characters right away. I want the people reading the script to be just as suspensed as the readers or viewers would be as if they were reading your story.

So It's ok not to be totally discriptive but just be discriptive enough...
That's all I have to say. ;)

Hey Chris,

I agree with a few things you said. I just let the story unfold and allow an age frame for the characters and leave it up to the producers. There has been so many times that a producer has said to me I changed the age of a character.
Thanks for giving it a read though.

Thanks Skyman 99 I will check out your series very soon, I believe that a film needs to have a story in order to make some sense.

Thanks all I will read your scripts very soon,
Dan