Justice? by Beau - Short, Action - Andrew awakens to find himself tied and gagged to a chair in a small windowless room. The man who left him this way
is Howard. Andrew slowly starts to realise that Howard isn't really a nice guy and starts to fear for his life. but is Howard really a bad guy? what did Andrew do to end up in this state? is everything what it seems? 9 pages - doc, format 8)

Hey Beau, I gave this a read... or at least I tried. I found a ton of problems  with this script. Not the story, it's fine. But your format is all wrong!

First, I found a minor error in first description.

-A man can be heard CRYING and GROANING as a light bulb swings from the ceiling of a windowless room.-

You should never write what we can hear/see, write what we do see.

A characters name only needs to be capitalized when that character is introduced or speaking. You have all the names capitalized all the time. You also capitalize other actions such as ?LAUGHING? and ?SCREAMING?. That isn?t necessary.

I was just recently told to leave SUDDENLY out of descriptions. We as the reader see it and know some things about to happen. Leaving it SUDDENLY out of the description makes the action truly sudden.

On page 3 your first description reads?

-THEN: HOWARD kicks the door open and slams it shut after him. He storms up to ANDREW carrying a pair of scissors and a razor.-

Leave out ?THEN:?. It isn?t needed and I don?t think it?s even proper format.

Your script is full of bad grammar and run on sentence. Just take a look at this description on page 2.

-As he says this, HOWARD, sends his fist smashing into the side of ANDREWS Head sending ANDREW hurtling backwards to the ground.-

Did you even proof read this before you submitted it?

At the end of page 4 you begin the flash back scene with?

SERIES OF SHOTS ? ANDREWS FLASHBACK (B&W)
     
A)     ANDREW is stood in a back garden looking up at a house. There are no lights on.

B)     He walks up to a window on the bottom floor and starts to jimmy it open.

This continues A)-I), and then it ends with BACK TO SCENE. Dude, read some scripts and learn proper format? please!

*SPOILERS*

As for the story, it was pretty Good. You really brought something fresh to the "torture" genre. I could have never predicted that Howard was a priest. That was a neat little twist. But you didn't stop there! You hit me with another twist, revealing Andrew to be much more than some drug addict.

If it wasn't for the bad format, I would have really enjoyed this. Please learn proper format and come back to this. It has so much potential! Good luck in the future. I hope all this helps!

~Zack~