Tag, A Game not to F*** with by Steven Aripez (Phenom) - Short - 2 friends telling kids how tag is dangerous. 12 pages - doc, format 8)

Premise is what drew me in, and it started out fine ('ceptin' for type-o's and grammatical errors), but then became flat and relied on shock language to be funny, which I generally don't find funny (except in KNOCKED UP). Grammar needs a good brushing. What didn't work for me was that this was not over the top, and for tag to be as you describe, and funny, I think it needs to be over the top humor, like DODGEBALL.

Thanks you for your review. Yeah i wasn't sure if i wanted it to be over the top. I had alot trouble trying to decide. Well I'll see what others think of it and yeah i do need to spell check it. The thing is i'm planning to make it and it will depend on the actors performences if its funny or not. Well thanks again.

spell check won't fix what needs the most work. but if you're planning to shoot it already, fixing them makes zero difference.

and since you are planning to shoot it, then I would make the jokes over the top, pratfalls, that kind of thing.

Yea you'll need to re-read the script to find the typos. I think you used 'were' when you wanted to use 'we're' at one point. Things like that won't pick up on Spell Check.

As far as the story goes...it's very original and funny. That's just the idea; however. Not all good ideas make good scripts. It started off pretty good. Nothing special, but pretty good. The story needs that one thing that makes it worth finishing because, honestly, I found it hard to finish it, even though it's only like 12 pages. I'd rewrite this because it CAN be funny and worth reading/seeing.

Good luck. Keep writing.

Thanks for the review. I am going to rewrite it and change it up a bit.