In a Flash by Dino Barlaam - Short - A brother and sister have an encounter with a local bully outside a comic book store. 5 pages - pdf, format 8)

My first impression: So. Freakin'. Cute!

I loved it. I don't have any complaints. Well defined characters. It's quick and easy, and I loved it.

Good job.

Nice story. It will make a good short film. Simple premise. Good job.

Heh, Jimmy and Lana.  At least her name wasn't Lois.  This was a nice little story, and I liked the different handling of a bully, well except for the clocking Lana gives him at the end.  The idea of taking care of a bully by saving him from an SUV is new.  Lana's a little mature for 11, no?  I mean, I haven't run into many 11 year old girls, but her interest in the Independants is interesting in that they're usually more mature, even BONE, which one finds in the young adult section.
Golden beret and patriotic backpack, huh?  What a WONDERful child.

sweet and clever simple story. You really caught the kids spirit and I lived what happened to them. Only one thing annoyed me a bit: the SUV driver should not drive away just like that. I think he should check if the kids are alright or even yell at them.

Beside that, nothing to say. Well done, Dino


Michel 8)

I like it.  It was cute, light, and actually went somewhere. Not sure if I totally bought the opening conversation in relation to their ages and whatnot but it the rest of it worked very well.

Here's a take-it-or-leave-it piece of advise.
LANA
Why did mom ever buy you that
doll?
JIMMY
I don’t have dolls. They’re
action figures.

It would make more sense if Jimmy said "I don't have dolls. I have action figures" or "They're not dolls. They're action figures." Plus when she said it I found myself re-reading it trying to find a doll I miss. The line has been done before a million times so you may want to think about chucking it anyway.

Regardless, good show.

This was a good read. nice story

The only comment I have is do children even read comics? I've got five nephews under the age of 13 and they wouldn't waste their time on such nonsense. To busy rapid pressing buttons wihile playing a Playstation or having monster fights with other kids using those weird Yugi- oh! cards.

but on the other hand I'm 35 years old and I can't get enough of reading comics. Couldn't stand 'em as a kid but half way through High school I thought they were awesome and I still do.  I could see myself and people my age walking out of a comic  shop arguing over Indie vs DC. Not children

Beisdes, Indie comics are just way to sophisticated for a child. Can you imagine a child reading something like Sin City or History Of Violence or even being interested in the bleak art of such comics?

The point I'm trying to make is why kids? I reckon this short would've worked better if you had young adults instead of children.

Kudo to EBurke for picking up on the Wonder Woman nod. That was way to subtle for me to pick up on and I'm a huge fan of JLA on Cartoon Network. (Yeah, yeah, I'm a big comic and animation geek. So sue me)

Hey Dino;

Nice Little short.

Don't know too many 11 year old girls who would be into comics, indie or otherwise. My sister always thought they were stupid. I think she still does.

Might suggest having Jimmy reference some specific instances in the Superman legend to certify his geekness on the matter.

I like the fact that Lana clobbered Devon in the end. Good for her!

Believable dialogue on the whole and well written.