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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board / Comedy Scripts / Escape
Posted by: Don, November 4th, 2007, 2:32pm
Escape by S. Ramlal - Comedy - A full serial killer comedy. In search of a serial killer, many unwanted things happen. A girl is kidnapped by a cop, who sees the girl as the serial killer. The girl is rescued by a boy, running for their lives. 109 pages - pdf, format 8)
Posted by: Hoody, November 4th, 2007, 2:56pm; Reply: 1
I skimmed the first few pages and only one thing came to mind: is English your first language?
You really notice it in your dialogue. I reccomend really listening to how people talk...because that is definitely not how we talk. You can also try reading the dialogue out loud, which is what I do. I think you'll agree that it sounds way off.
I'd love to go through and point out the little things, but I think you should be focusing on the big issue right now -- and that is your dialogue.
I'm not trying to be mean or anything like that, I'm just trying to help you become a better writer by pointing out your flaws. Hope this helps.
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