On Air With… Mikey by Michael Camporese - Series - {no summary} - doc, format 8)

Well, for starters, you won't get far without a decent summary or something to hook people in to read the script!

This does show all the hallmarks of a newbie's script - am I right in thinking you haven't done much before now? I mean, that's not a bad thing - we all start somewhere - so I'll steer this review more towards helping you see what does and doesn't work.

First off, the dialogue. Very flat, very 'on the nose' (which means people speak in very formal, unnatural tones) and not very interesting to read as a result. The best thing to try is to read your dialogue out loud and listen to how it sounds. Make it more natural - i.e. how a real person would speak the lines. Then go back and tweak your dialogue to make it sound like that. It makes a hell of a difference.

The formatting's most of the way there, but working in Word is always a hinderance for anyone - get hold of some proper screenwriting software and you'll reap the benefits. It'll make your scripts look way more professional straight away.

The actual story - two bickering brothers and their misadventures - is nothing new, but you manage an alright job here with the characters you have. It's hard to make any show like this stand out - in fact, a lot of this felt like an old episode of Boy Meets World or something! What I'd advise is looking for some kind of unique twist to put on this. What makes your show different? Why should people read this instead of something else? Figure this sort of stuff out and you're well away.