A Day in the Life of Fred Harold by Shawn Martin & Kyle MacKenzie - Short, Comedy - Fred Harold is bored and hires a camera man to follow him for a day. He meets up with his brother, Bob and the two go on a whacky adventure planned for a prank. 7 pages - pdf, format 8)

This was really bad. There was no reason for any of the language. It reminded me of Jack Ass way too much and not even close to funny. If you hire someone to film you for the day you would not speak to that person the way that Fred does, otherwise that person would tell you where to stick and then quit. I would just junk this one.

I'm with Pants on this one. After enough "dick heads" and "shitheads," any camera man in the world, hired or not, would have stopped filming, and walked away.

Also, in terms of formating, there are moments with scene headings like below:

Quoted Text EXT. OUTSIDE BOB'S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS

Every thing's fine with it, except that "EXT" and "OUTSIDE" mean the same thing. Have one or the other, preferably EXT., but don't keep them both. It just wouldn't make sense.

When you first introduce the M-80 into the script, have a very short description of what it is, a dynamite firework. Until you had Fred light its fuse, I had no idea what it was. But maybe that's just me.

I did not see the point in this piece. With no plot whatsoever, and sprinkled with little vulgar goodies like "fuck face" and "cut your nuts off," this screenplay doesn't seem to know what direction it's headed in.

The conclusion isn't a conclusion really. What is the point exactly? That the camera man got what he deserved? What did he do to deserve whatever Fester has in store for him? All he did was accept money for a job, and now the screenplay ends with his fate in the balance. It just didn't sit well with me.

Please, scrap this thing. One tid bit that I was fond of was that the same song played on several radio stations. That's something everyone can relate with, and if you are able to pull from your treasure trove more mundane scenarios like that, you could really make a script worth filming.

Have to agree...this seemed pretty pointless. The countless, pointless profanity, characters who are just losers...I thought maybe there was a subtext I was missing, but am guessing there isn't. The basic idea...bored guy hires cameraman to follow him on a typical day...has possibilities. But nothing was done with the idea. Idiot "dudes" blow up someone's personal property and someone is likely badly injured by shrapnel. There's no story, no set-up and no payoff. You know how to write a script, but, what's actually written is an oddity.

Mike always has a way of putting what me and Pants say into "nice words."

Quoted from Dr. McPhearson Mike always has a way of putting what me and Pants say into "nice words."

LMAO - yes , my years of diploamacy are on display  ;D