No Place Like Home by Bryan Mora - Short - A gay man struggles with his confidence and sense of self in the world, especially at the scene of his high school reunion. 18 pages - pdf, format 8)

Thanx Don for posting! I'm really interested in hearing what someone would have thought about this. This is probably my first dialogue driven piece.

I have some ideas on what should or should not change..but really i need some confirmation.

Happy reading.

Hey Bry, just read this.

The dialogue in this is very very well done, at times brilliant in the wit. I think it was a very well written short.

You should introduce Scotty by name straight away in his description, and definately don't change his name in the dialogue heading - that's a big no-no.

Scotty's reaction was a bit of a puzzle - he's gay too, yeah? - wasn't too clear about that.

A couple of spelling mistakes and some lines of action that you should write as 'he stands in queue' instead of 'he is standing in queue' etc. Apart from that though, like I said, very well done and very funny dialogue. Good characters,

Ste

Thats so great to hear! Thanks a lot SteBrown! At first i was hesitant to write this..but after a while i fell in love with the characters for different reasons and decided to march on. So glad i did.

I just finished reading your script. I really liked it. I found myself grinning a lot, and then I even burst out laughing at one part, and the girl who sits next to me at work looked at me like I was crazy. It's a touching story that revolves around charcters and I think those are always the best kinds of stories.
I did notice one thing at the end, though. When they are outside and Brad gives Patrick a hug, it says "Keith breathes him in..." ;)  I think you maybe forgot to change that name to Patrick? Just a thought. I really liked it, though.

I am an amateur filmmaker, (independant of course) and am looking for stuff to shoot. Would you be interested in it being made? It would of course be on an amateur level and I probably couldn't pay you anything substantial, but just let me know what you think. I go to Columbia College in Chicago.

Hey thanks MobstaMan! This so great to hear, becuase of how scared i was writing it. I dont know why. Just not anything my family would approve. But yeah a friend noticed the Keith thing too. In an early draft i had him named Keith....i must've missed that completely.

I'm honored you want to have it made. But really I'll have to get back to you in a few days. Thanks for your interest.

Nicely done Bryan.  You handled that story like a champ.  The dialogue was good and I got into the characters.  I did notice a couple of typos, just a couple small ones.  About the only comment I had was that when Patrick first met Scotty I thought he should have reacted a bit more, just something to stress the importance of the situation.  Otherwise good job.  

Yo Yo Bryan. Cool script! Some great characters there... the difference between Patrick and Brad was substantial. They worked well together.

I would have liked more comments about other people that were there that went to the school. Also, I'm not sure if the dance was needed.

The last line I think should be changed. Even to "shit". It's a bit too crude how it is I think.

Ummm, what else can I say?! It was a good read. Really funny, clever dialogue. Well done.

I thought this script was hidden in the backlots of short script land...good to see someone wiped the cobwebs off-

Mcornetto and Tommyp,

Thanks for taking time to read, and i'm mighty glad you two enjoyed it. **Sigh** still waiting for it to be made.... i fear it won't happen.

Okay. I read this script, and really enjoyed it. Dialogue, as noted by other reviewers flowed well, and felt natural. The differences between Patrick and Brad created good conflict. I really don't see much else for me to say... apart from noting a few typos, and minor problems with certain dialogue. I have pointed out/ made suggestions below.

Page 6- "Better" doesn't need to be capatalised.
Page 7- "Seeing" doesn't need to be capatalised.
Page 9- Brad's first dialogue on that page doesn't sound right... I can't put my finger on it, but it doesn't flow to well. Would probably sound better if it went "No, you’re not. You know, sometimes I wonder if you're on my side, or not. I’m saying like if I fell off a cliff, wouldn’t you be choking with tears and want to follow behind me." That would flow a better. Its the second sentence from the dialogue that messes it up...
Page 9- "Off" doesn't need a capital letter...
Page 10- "Well if you’re really thirsty, somehow you’ll fine your way to the punch bowl." - Needs to be "find", not "fine".
Page 10- "That’s why we where these." - Needs to be "wear", instead of "where".
Page 15- "One guy"- One doesn't need a capital letter...
Page 15- "Pretty much"- Pretty doesn't need a... yep, you guessed it. A capital letter.
Page 17- "Brad leans into him, and they embrace. Keith breathes Brad in..." - Who the hell is Keith?
Page 17- "It looked strikingly similar like my muscles." That doesn't sound right... "It looked strikingly similar to my muscles" sounds better.

Also, what software are you using to type scripts in? Because the format looked a little off... I have a feeling you are using Word (which would explain why some words have an incorrect capital letter, when starting a new line). If you are using Word, I suggest using a professional script-writing software, such as Final Draft.

But overall, this was a good little script. I enjoyed it a lot. Just fix out those typos I mentioned above, and it will be pretty damn polished.

Cheers, Toby.

Thanks Toby for being so Thorough and painstakingly meticulous. You have a  great eye and I’m glad you pointed everything out!

Now I can fix it and leave it be! What more can I do with my baby, I don’t know.

-Bryan.

Hey guys!

Just a quick update. It seemed for awhile this short was in limbo and I thought it'd never be produced. The producer didn’t have the funds to film, but after some time he’s somehow found a way. And he seems to be legit, considering we’ve kept in contact for a year. So while it may not be shot yet, just wanted to share the news.

:) !!