Zero to Hero by Spencer McDonald - Short, Comedy - A long time employee hates to practice safely at works and winds up becoming more than the rule, he becomes the guideline. 10 pages - pdf, format 8)

SPOILERS





Hey Spencer,

The Biffinator, that was cute.

There were a few spelling mistakes... okay, got them out of the way.

I thought this script was cute. It was also a little over the top, which I liked. Very entertaining for a ten pager.

I liked the huddle, the bubbles, Oz-like. :-)

Only one complaint... and it's small, but still...
What was Biff putting a nut on? You have he assembled one, but on what?

Anyway, thanks for the enjoyable morning coffee read.

Cindy

Thank you Cindy for the read!

Sorry, I went back and read and sure enough I forgot to say what Biff was putting a nut on. This was actually a safety film we just shot at work. Biff was fastening an overhead cabinet.

Again, thank you.

Okay!  This is my first posting...just to get my feet wet...so I chose something from the "Short" section.  

I wasn't too sure what "Zero to Hero" would be about, and while it wasn't about a superhero like Batman or even Robin...Biff does turn out to be a pretty good guy when it comes to having his dark dreams lead his actions in reality. =) "POW"

On the critical side, (because I like to get the bad out of the way first so I can end on a good note ;) Spelling wasn't good.  A little extra time spent cleaning up this aspect would have made it a lot easier to read. I find when I see spelling errors that my brain stops and has to correct it. lol

On the good side...I think this would make a great presentation tool in an industrial setting for safety, which I'm sure it was intended. It gets the point across in a humorous way, which obviously makes rules a lot easier to digest...or like in "Mary Poppins" fame...a spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down.

Biff's dark dream put a little fear into him...after all, who wants to have an ipod stuck inside them, or cigarette ashes for that matter :)

Overall, Spencer...you did a good job...just use your spell check in future!

Regards! MBCgirl

I don't quite get it.  Seems like everything and nothing.

Is there alot of in-jokes here for your friends?

The dream for me was distracting and the idea about being some sort of hero in the workplace seems odd.  Why?

Sorry, this script isn't for me.

All the best

Javier

To the "Z" comment.  Not to stand up for the Zero to Hero script, but here's the story in a nutshell. :)  

The company is trying to encourage a safety program...of course Biff is the old time employee that doesn't like change...sure he resists...ends up bumping his head and falling into a dream....the characters of course are his workmates in this nightmare dream...and it's a dark dream, so when he wakes up...all becomes light...or...he has been enlightened :) Biff decides he was saved somehow and wants to be an outstanding supporter of the safety program...to the point that he brings a lid up to the presenter to put on her hot coffee...thus enforcing that he has truly become the "hero" of safety.

This piece, done well, could be a very good way to get "safety" participation going in industries where employees have a hard time following the efforts of Safety Officers. :)   It gets the point across without being boring, which most efforts I have seen are just that.

To your point...is it muddled...just a bit, but I think that comes from the mis-flow and bad spelling that draws points away from it's professional opportunity to be something and to be taken seriously. :)

My 2 cents for the day!

Thank you MBC girl for reading. You call out some good points about the spelling and sometimes double words throughout this script. That seem to be my weak point. What I do notice is most people are beginning to really focus on my spelling and less on story content. That makes me happy. Now I know I am becoming a better writer because spelling seems to be all that most find fault with. Yes on occasion story content can be a problem, but less so than in some past writing.

For those who don't get the story, all I can say is thank you for reading. This was in fact a script I wrote for work and the safety office. It has been filmed and will be released for the company I work for in late September. It does relate to the building and people. And finally, all the costumes and strange stuff was suppose to coincide with     Halloween.

Thanks again for everyones read.