Reboot by Gary Murphy (GM) - Short - Arthur C Hammersmith is a Hollywood producer famed for his remaking of classic 70's horror movies from renowned, but dead Italian director Robertolini Mancini. Robertolini has come to pay Arthur a visit. He would like him to stop ruining his back catalogue and can be very persuasive. 9 pages - pdf, format 8)

Thanks for posting this Don.

These are the first scripts I have written for a while, Well apart from my OWC challenge entry that was probably the worst thing I have ever written! ;-)

The two scripts I have had posted today, this one and 'A Taste of Honey' were both written last week in response to a call for short horror scripts set in a hotel room. I like them both and feel they are probably the best things I have written so far. Still a lot of work to do but feel I am starting to make progress.

If anybody reads I would be grateful and would most certainly return the favor, been away from the site for a little while and am trying to catch up on some reads I have missed.

I was impressed by the some of the descriptions, with this one I could see the man. - I have trouble putting together such words.

“He is a man who eats too much steak, drinks to much Cognac and smokes too many Cuban cigars to be this alive after 50 years.”

I was not sure about the horror or comedy aspects?. In a Tarantino way, the removal of body parts by a carefree psyho works.  By a  ghost I’m not sure. The room configuration changes reminded me of 1405 (I think the movies name was).  Again your descriptions of the blood et al was very good – the cutting etc, but I imagined by the amount he had cut off there would have been blood everywhere. This was sort of distracting.

For me the mix of Ghostie stuff, Psyho stuff, room change stuff and even a little ‘Hostel’ cutting was too much in such a short period.   Your first couple of pages read well and the interactions, the dialogue moved along really well. There was no hint of what was to come.

The best bit for me was the description of MANCINI this was great.

“Dressed in a black and yellow WET SUIT, patches of seaweed cling to the neoprene. Water drips from his body, a harpoon spear lodged in his back.”

Hope the comments help.  I’m new here and finding my way around, so don’t take my comments the wrong way.  I enjoyed your story and writing and I’m here to learn, and your character descriptions are some of the best I have read.-Cheers Walford.

Hey Murphy,

I'm not sure about this one. I thought the opening and the end work well (and both were funny) but I didn't like the middle or the second act. It was simply too over the top, even for a dream sequence, and I'm not talking about the blood and gore but more along the lines of Arthur's reactions to what's going on around him. First of all I felt he took Chelsea's violent death rather well but also the whole Seven-cliché with the pound of flesh just got too much. Maybe that was a testament to Mancini's movies.

I like that you took a couple of shots at Uwe Boll, that was pretty funny but don't defend Tarantino, he's not worth it in my book. His latest movies have been complete disasters imo.

The writing was, again, very very solid. I'm not totally sold on your description of Arthur but that's just comes down to taste.


Cheers
Rob

Hey Gary

A few early descriptions that can't be shown.

The telephone conversation was really funny, hope it was suppose to be.  Arthur's dialogue is great.

Bottom of page 4, Mancini has two dialogues without anything between.  These should be combined.

Bottom of page 5, Arthur says 'They are an homage'.  Should be 'a homage'.

MANCINI 'Eeny-meeny-miney-mo for the foot I think we’ll go.' That was a very funny line, I love it!

'Is it worth mentioning that Arthur SCREAMS at this?'  There are a few instances like this thoughout the script.  These comments should be used in a novel but not here.

The ending is very funny too.

I understand that it was a dream but Arthur didn't seem to sorry at Chelsea's demise.  Overall though I found this to be funny and I enjoyed it, the ending made me laugh out loud too.

Quoted from alffy Bottom of page 5, Arthur says 'They are an homage'.  Should be 'a homage'.

No, it's 'an homage' since it's pronounced 'omage'?

oops my mistake lol

Hi GM,

I wanted to say that I thought the premise of this story was good and that I found the story to be funny and not horrific.  As part of the audience I wouldn't be hiding behind the couch for this one.

The beginning was good and the pound of flesh reminded me of Seven.  The end was good about having a vision to change films.

It was the bedroom scene for me that let me down.  Where Mancini defended Tarantino.  I love Quentins earlier work but as I love the far east, I thought his Kill Bill films were just a rip off of loads of great far east films.  So in my opinion Mancini shouldn't defend Tarantino who loves to take ideas, nowadays.

Then again I might be in the minority.

Alffy, you're right about the homage thing coming from Britain and Sniper's right coming from the USA.  We pronounce the 'H' and across the pond it's pronounced like the French do.

All the best GM.


Javier

Quoted from jayrex Alffy, you're right about the homage thing coming from Britain and Sniper's right coming from the USA.  We pronounce the 'H' and across the pond it's pronounced like the French do.

Right I'm confused now, so I was right and so was Rob...well that's good for both of us.

Quoted from walford I was impressed by the some of the descriptions, with this one I could see the man. - I have trouble putting together such words. Hope the comments help.  I’m new here and finding my way around, so don’t take my comments the wrong way.  I enjoyed your story and writing and I’m here to learn, and your character descriptions are some of the best I have read.-Cheers Walford.

Walford, again thanks for your kind comments. It was not even a year ago I was in your shoes and making my first comments on other peoples hard work. It's not easy at first but believe me it won't be long before you are on here ripping shreds out my future scripts! ;-)

There are some very good writers on here and you are doing the right thing if you want to learn, if I have any advice it would be not to jump straight into writing (even though you will be tempted) but stick around a while and just read as much as you can.

Thanks.

Quoted from sniper I like that you took a couple of shots at Uwe Boll, that was pretty funny but don't defend Tarantino, he's not worth it in my book. His latest movies have been complete disasters imo. The writing was, again, very very solid. I'm not totally sold on your description of Arthur but that's just comes down to taste.

I will agree with you on his last one but Kill Bill? Part one was brilliant.

Have you read 'Inglorious Bastards' yet? I am sold on that one, well until the end that is, hopefully he will be talked out of the rather strange events at the end. But apart from that It would be a film I am very much looking forward to seeing.

Anyway, I digress.

Again thanks for your read, I appreciate it. I do think I have turned a corner in my writing now and it is nice to have people reading my stuff and be focussed on the story instead of my poor writing. I used to over-describe and over-write and I think I am getting there now and the comments I have had so far are backing that up and giving me some confidence. I can try and concentrate on working on better stories now anyway.

Aiffy, cheers for the comments. I am glad you found it funny. It was meant to be, always better when someone else finds it funny too ;-)

I took a few risks with this being it was meant to be more humorous and maybe overdid it a little with the writing style. I have been reading a few Shane Black scripts lately and trying to experiment a little.


Jarex, thanks for the read.

I had no idea what to do with the homage thing. I do pronounce the French way and guessed it would be 'an' and not 'a' before it. But to be honest I was unsure, there must be a correct way, I am not surprised someone noticed though however. Just one of those strange ones I think.

Anyway, thanks all. Much appreciated.

This was pretty funny. I loved the sleeping with Clooney line--made me chuckle. Shortly afterwards I laughed out loud when Chelsea got throat-slashed and all Arthur said was "you killed her because she can't act? OMG!"

There is a typo on page 4--"Your dead!" should be "You're". Also, on the same page, you have two separate dialogue lines for Mancini for no reason.

I think Tarantino's defense should be toned down, but left in. The man has definitely been slipping away, but he's still made some awesome movies.

The Uwe Boll Regal line was hilarious! I loved it.

I think anybody who's seen a remake of their favorite film would get a kick out of this.

The ending with the conception of a "reboot" was amusing as well.

This was an entertaining little peace. It also read fast and was pretty well-written save for some minor typos. Nice job. I even feel a bit lighter after reading it.  

--Julio

I see I managed to get this thread re-booted. Haha, thanks for the read.

Never noticed the typo's, oops. Will fix them up.

Glad it made you laugh, it is of course supposed to be a comedy, just something light hearted I knocked up after watching a crappy remake.

Cheers.

I wasn'ty sure if you were going for horror or comedy with this one.  It straddled the fence, which left me feeling a little cold and distant.

I think that, if you were to make this less comedic and more suspenseful,. it would be a really good story.  Mancini should be as menacing as his movies.

Incidentally, you shouldn't have introduced Mancini as ASSAILANT.  It's confusing when characters' names are changed in the script.  No one would've known who he was if you introduced him by his name.


Phil