I'd like to first off say that his entire post is pretty much one big spoiler so, if you haven't read this script, and you plan on it, I'd recommend reading it first.
So, I genuinely liked this script. I found myself at the end of it and wishing there were more. The characters are interesting and the plot is as well. I do think this script was a well executed stab at the zombie genre. However, there are a few things I wish to see modified and or corrected in the movie, the first of which being the characters. Not the characters themselves but how you developed them. I mean, I wish there were a little bit more going on with the characters. Yes it is a story about survival and their main drive is to survive, but I feel like you should throw in a few other things as well since near death experiences tend to bring out both the angels and monsters in people. The beginning of the story hinted at a sort of small flicker of interest between Larry and Veronica but that never really played out, I'd like to see how they deal with each other and their feelings towards one another in the midst of such a chaos.
Another thing I felt could have been better was the reasoning for this event.
The whole idea that this zombie fiasco happens once a year and it's one guys duty to prevent it from getting out of control, I love, but the idea of the towns people not knowing about this? I mean, no matter how much I don't like that idea, it's believable or at least it would be had you not later in the script decided that the hospital should have zombies in them too from recently deceased persons. If this event happens once a year and the Hospital is open 24/7/365, and from the looks of things the freshly dead aren't exempt from this yearly gathering, then logically speaking, someone other than the groundskeeper, even if it's just the coroner, should know about this.
Another thing I just wanted to briefly mention was that I felt the dialogue in the beginning was very chaotic and not thought out. The middle of the movie in general felt like the characters were just chickens running around with their head cut off. I liked the idea of Larry and Veronica meeting all these people that later ended up dead through various reasons and then later coming back to find Evan and the others still alive, but I felt that them going off trying to find help and trying to save themselves could have been executed better. Instead of them running aimlessly through the fog finding strangers and what not, perhaps they can be going through other houses looking for survivors and weapons to use? Find a better way for them to find out that the hospital is a safe place. Perhaps a phone call or the ambulance speakerphone. Something. There is so much good things going on in this script I just feel you need to harness it a lot better and concentrate the events into a more seamless time line. I enjoyed how you went back and forth from Larry and Veronica to Evan and the others. I think the tension of them being left in this room, trapped by these zombies while Larry and Veronica were searching really helped push the film along. The only other suggestion with that would be to give the characters you haven't named, names. Somebody, for example, that character needs a name. Even if it's generic like Bill or Sally. To me, having a character named "Somebody" who has dialogue and then gets killed in the way he or she does, makes the script look less thought out. You know, Like you're telling a story and you go "and then somebody falls off the roof, you know, something like that."
So yeah, Loved the news reporter scene, though not too sure about the parent scene. It's needed definitely, but something about it just needs tweaking a bit.
I hoped that help. I really did enjoy this script despite all the criticism I am giving you. The conversation in the video store between Evan and the customer - priceless. Definitely one of the better interactions in the film.
Anyway, thanks for posting your script for everyone to read.
oh and as one last side note, the fact that you can't kill the zombies...love it. Though I wonder what the point is of the caretaker shooting the lone zombie wandering back to it's grave with his shot gun if he knows it can't be killed that way. Wouldn't that just make it angry?