Monsters Contest by Cindy L. Keller - Short - All the monsters want to do on this fine Saturday afternoon is to have their annual pumpkin carving contest, but they are stopped by a corrupt politician. 11 pages - pdf, format 8)

Hey Cindy,

This script is whacked. You’re nuts -- haha. Just kidding. It’s cute - and definitely not predictable.

I made notes as I read:

“The ringing stops as he picks up the phone.” I think you can imply that the ringing stops. Most will assume it. You could just say, “The phone RINGS and he picks it up.”

Maybe show the Mummy’s corvette take out the chain and/or pole when it runs through the gate.

Haha - I absolutely love that Big Bad Wolf song. That guy that sings it sounds so diabolical.

I lost track of the mummy and the creature. When the devil mentions the mummy’s saying about safety, that made me think the mummy and creature were already there. Then they show up. I got disoriented as to where those characters were. Maybe the devil should ask where they are when he arrives. That would clear that whole thing up.

And I still think it would be cute if right after the devil says, “Is this everyone?,” the mummy and the creature come plowing through in their corvette and knock over a trash can -- haha. I mean they already ran down the gate….

The witch’s husband’s weenie thing is hilarious.

I think it would be funny if Mary tells the wolf man he needs to comb his hair.

The cucaracha thing is whacked. Huh? This is where I decided you’re crazy. (Just kidding)

“If it wasn’t for you and those pesky monsters.” - Yeah, if it isn’t those meddling kids, it’s those pesky monsters!

P9 - amiling - smiling

When the zombie talks about the bogeyman’s hair obsession, I thought it would tie into Mary’s comb infatuation. It seemed like a set up for it.

This is a nutty script but it’s fun and entertaining so it did its job. :)


Breanne

Hi Cindy,

You wrote a great script.  Its wacky humor and that's me in a nutshell.  I should upload my nutty scripts.

Anyway, on page 10 you have boogyman & boogieman.  You'll have to fix this.

I think you should keep Little Red Riding Hood in the script and just have the Devil show up and step in between LRRD and the Werewolf.

See on the last page, I think it would be cool to turn the pumpkin into a disco ball where light is reflecting on it, have it spinning because Jack of Jack and the Beanstock.  In turn, making Mary dizzy.  Plus the reflecting light would play havoc on the dancefloor.

Overall, great script with lots of imagination.  If you do a rewrite, let me know.

All the best.


Javier

Have I read this before?  I'm thinking a OWC entry, either that or I'm having a really bad case of deja vu.

Hey Breanne,

Thanks for giving this one a read. Glad you enjoyed it, too. ;-)

I get told I'm crazy a lot by my kids. LOL

I like the idea of the Mummy and Creature smashing into a trash can, and I think Mary will probably dog the werewolf ;-) somehow in the next rewrite. Maybe throw him a bone or something.
I was thinking about Mary when Boogy's hair messed up, too, but didn't do anything. Maybe I should rethink that since you thought it, too.

Thanks again,
I see you have a script up. I'll give it a read.

Hi Javier,

Thank you for giving this one a read.
boogyman and boogieman... darn. I also found another one. Park Ranger and guard on the first page...
I'll have to fix them in the next rewrite.
I like Little Red Riding Hood turning into the Devil because she is not a monster, and this is an Annual Monster's Contest.
The pumpkin is kind of like a disco ball the way that it is, but it's high in the tree as to not bother the monsters while they party.
Thanks again,
If you post a wacky script let me know. I'd love to read it.

Hey alffy,

Yes, an earlier draft of this one was for the OWC. ;-)

Cindy

So over the top and i love love LOVE it.

I'm personally more of a drama type person, but when i come
across something like this it's very easy to appreciate workmanship
and the attention to detail that goes into the comedy. Dracula's
line of UV protected gave me a laugh. A lot of others too.

The scooby vibe brought me back some years. Loved that. I
think you did a wonderful job. I don't hear of many animations that get made, so if this one does let me know! it'd be a nice surprise!

Bryan.

Hey Bryan,

I'm glad you liked it.
You don't hear of many animations that get made?
Me either. :-)
Some of my other scripts were supposed to get produced, then didn't, so now I don't write to get produced. I write just to write. ;-)

Oh well, thanks for giving it a read,
Cindy

Finished reading it.

Beside some good lines from the monster i have to say the story is pretty silly, it looked like having the characters of family guy as the monsters hehe like they did in Blue Harvest with Star Wars.

Anyway, the writing is great, but i ain't a fan of this story, sorry.

Cheers
Nik

I remember this from the OWC, though I don't remembr it well enough to tell what changes you may have made in it.

I think adding the governor to tis story just takes away from it.  She actually takes us out of what would be a great Halloween story for kids.


Phil

Hey NIK,
Thanks for giving this one a read. Although you didn't like the story, I'm glad you liked some of the monster's lines.

Phil,
I kept her in it because she was the one who was going to shut them down. She's the big bad wolf of the story.
I'm going to do a rewrite, make it longer, and better, but I'm still going to keep her in it.

Thanks for giving it a read. :-)

Cindy

awww, this script has got stop-motion animation cuteness stamped all over it.

I dig how the mayor is the true monster in your story and diffrent tecniques each mosnter use to carve their pumpkin. Dracula hypnotisim is gold.

Oh yeah. . . um . . . isn't every monster you mentioned in this script copyright and the registered trademark property of Universal Studios? Will make it tough for any producer who wants to tackle this script wouldn't it?

Hummm... you brought up a good point. I'm not sure.
I've seen quite a few monster movies, too.
I'll have to check this out, and change their names if I have to.
Cindy

Quoted from tonkatough Oh yeah. . . um . . . isn't every monster you mentioned in this script copyright and the registered trademark property of Universal Studios? Will make it tough for any producer who wants to tackle this script wouldn't it?

I don't think so.  I think only the creature from the black lagoon belongs to Universal.  The rest are in public domain, or just generic monster characters.


Phil

Hey Cindy,

I liked how you had the group of monsters kind of on their day off, going up against a nasty human (the real monster).

At one point the Devil says 'Say la vie', shouldn't that be C'est la vie?

Overall this is a fun short, and I sure it would appeal to kids and fans of pixar/disney animations.

Quoted from dogglebe I don't think so.  I think only the creature from the black lagoon belongs to Universal.  The rest are in public domain, or just generic monster characters. Phil

Thanks Phil,
I wasn't sure.

Quoted from Pard At one point the Devil says 'Say la vie', shouldn't that be C'est la vie?

Hey Yohn,

I was kind of stumped on that. I'm still not sure.
I remember one time in a script I had "bologna" in the dialogue.
Another member said it should be "balony".

Thanks for giving it a read,
Cindy