N.D.E (Near Death Experience) by Lindell Gross (datwriterguy) - Thriller - A woman must cross the boundries of death and risk hell itself, in order to do battle with the dead serial killer who murdered her family. 78 pages - pdf, format 8)

I like this one! It has excellent flow and the villain, The Skeleton Man, reminds me a lot of the Joker, completely homocidal and crazy.

Did Chanel always have the ability to leave her body and astral project? Or was it a latent power only awakened after the trauma? Because in a dialogue sequence, you alluded to the fact that she saw an angel when she was younger, so I'm thinking she has a kind of "spiritual eye" to see into the world beyond.

Regardless, I think this is a good script. The twist at the end (I won't mention and risk ruining it for others) was unexpected.

Also, I wasn't ecpecting the revelation about the past deed of Chanels brother.

I recommend this to everyone on the board.

Hey, Jerrynoe, I'm glad you liked it, man. Let me try and answer some of your questions; in regards to Chanel's astral abilities, the latter is true, it was awakened after the trauma. As far as the angel thing, yes I was trying to allude to the fact that she always had a kind of spiritual connection to the "Other Side". I also wanted to foreshadow some things to come.

Thanks again for taking the time to read it, my friend.

p.s.

Sorry for replying so late, lol!

Lindell

Hi Lindell this is Vaproductions and here is my review of your story.


Ok first I would like you to know that I happen to know an awful lot about Astral Projection from first person point of view and I was hoping this would be a good read and not to say that it wasn't but the Skeleton man was killing me here. I mean lose this guy completely out of your story unless you want to show him in the actual Astral realm. Other than that I was feeling like I was reading a cheezy version of Candy man here especially with the trick or treat type feel you were giving me.
Other than that keep writing.











PG#  5 "It hurts her too much" I'm guessing this should be dialog instead of action?

VA, you may want to think before pulling an old script from the boards.  Many times, the author has left the boards and your comments fall on deaf ears (in this case, the author hasn't been around for over two years).  All you've done is bump a current script off the portal.

You can always do a search to see if the author is still around.


Phil

Hey Phil thanks for the info but just in case the author does comeback he or she got some feedback.

That's all well and good, but two and a half years is past the point of no return, especially when he was on the boards for only a few weeks.


Phil