Scarefest 2 - Ghoulish Goulash by James McClung - Short, Horror - A caterer finds more than he bargained for when he accepts an aristocrat's offer to prepare the morbid main course of an upcoming dinner party. 22 pages - pdf, format 8)

Hi James

Just read this one. Fun, gruesome story you've got.

I would have maybe introduced another character to this, maybe a maid or something that lived with Art and his wife. Just the whole part about killing his wife seemed a bit farfetched. Anyone, would do so I don't think Donner would belive he'd done it.

The end is funny, just how over the top nasty it is haha. I would maybe change the final scene with Art and his wife though, it just felt a bit too 'well this is what I did' if you know what I mean.

Good job.

Hey James, read this last night, and waited until today for it to set in with me.  I think I have the same thoughts that I did upon first read though.

I'm not 100% sure here, but I'm going to assume that this is a comedy, with a horror theme.  I'm also not sure about your Lycanthrope script, but that also came off as comedy to me.  I really don't see any horror here, other than the idea of what's going on.  The ending is actually quite disturbing, in a gross out, sick way (again, very comedic gross out, not horror gross out).

Wish I had some positive things to say, but nothing really worked too well for me.  I didn't like the characters, as they all seemed like cartoon characters for some reason.  I didn't think the dialogue was very realistic between anyone either, which probably added to the cartoonish quality of it.  I also didn't feel much tension or terror at any time, and the ending (after the gross out stuff) wasn't very surprising.

I do appreciate the naming of Donner (for the cannibalistic Donner Party, I presume?), as well as Chauncy the butler (Chauncy from "Being There"?).  The writing is pretty good, but the story and characters just didn't work for me.

Take care man.

Thanks for the reads, guys.

Quoted from stebrown Just the whole part about killing his wife seemed a bit farfetched. Anyone, would do so I don't think Donner would belive he'd done it.

I think he would. Donner is a textbook narcissist. The way he sees it, he gave Art "an offer he couldn't refuse." Even so, I think the finger would fool him.

Quoted from stebrown The end is funny, just how over the top nasty it is haha. I would maybe change the final scene with Art and his wife though, it just felt a bit too 'well this is what I did' if you know what I mean.

I know what you mean and you're probably right. It just seemed strange to close without showing what happened to Art's wife. Too many questions would be left floating around. I don't really like these kinds of endings but I wanted the ending to feel complete so I went with it.

Thanks again and I'll try to read your Scarefest entry before too long.

Quoted from Dreamscale I'm not 100% sure here, but I'm going to assume that this is a comedy, with a horror theme.  I'm also not sure about your Lycanthrope script, but that also came off as comedy to me.  I really don't see any horror here, other than the idea of what's going on.  The ending is actually quite disturbing, in a gross out, sick way (again, very comedic gross out, not horror gross out).

I basically write two kinds of horror. Comedic/over-the-top and the darker end of the spectrum. Best of both worlds. This and Lycanthrope fall into the latter catagory, although I'd say this is a little different.

Quoted from Dreamscale Wish I had some positive things to say, but nothing really worked too well for me.  I didn't like the characters, as they all seemed like cartoon characters for some reason.  I didn't think the dialogue was very realistic between anyone either, which probably added to the cartoonish quality of it.  I also didn't feel much tension or terror at any time, and the ending (after the gross out stuff) wasn't very surprising.

You're probably right about the characters. Donner is definitely a cartoon. I tried to make him as absolutely ridiculous as possible. Him and the other aristocrats. Art and his wife weren't supposed to be cartoonish but I do suppose they aren't very realistic. This was meant to be a demented love story of sorts so I tried to set up the couple as an ideal married couple before things get crazy. I'm not sure most marriages are like this (although I'm not married so I can't say). Other than that, I tried to make them seem realistic/likeable.

As for not being scary, I agree, although I didn't really intend for it to be scary. I know this is Scarefest and all but to be fair, this is essentially a revamp of an old script I wrote for another project here that never got off the ground. I wanted to post it and thought Zack might like some variety in his thing so I jumped aboard. Nevertheless, it's not really meant to be scary. It just has a lot of things recognizeable as horror.

Sorry you didn't like the story but I appreciate the read nevertheless.[/quote]

Right on James.

So, was I correct about the names Donner and Chauncy, or was it just a coincedence?

Quoted from Dreamscale Right on James. So, was I correct about the names Donner and Chauncy, or was it just a coincedence?

Donner, yes. Chauncy, no (I just thought it sounded funny/uber-cliche - I've never seen Being There). Unfortunately, I can't take full credit for the name Donner. The original title was The Donner Party Special - it was given to me by the organizor of the original project and I was supposed to just run with it, which I did. But yeah, you guessed right.

James,

did I read this one before? It sounds very familiar. If I did, let me know if it's the same or drastically changed and I'll read it.  :-)

Quoted from Grandma Bear James, did I read this one before? It sounds very familiar. If I did, let me know if it's the same or drastically changed and I'll read it.  :-)

You may very well have. I wrote it more than two years ago for Midnight Moves III and a couple members did read it outside of SS. I don't remember who exactly.

I did rewrite it about three times after I talked to Zack about Scarefest. Naturally somethings were changed but the general plot remains the same.

Hey James, first off, Kudos on the title, I love it.

your descriptions and some of the words you deliver are excellent James.  I was enjoying the read until Donner explained what dish Art had agreed to cook and then my eyes lit up!  Human beings, very funny.

The ending is disgusting and I'm about to have my tea...thanks lol.  I thought the story was going to be a real chiller, with Art having to sacrifice his wife or at least make a decision on who he was going to cook but then the ending through it into the comedy field and I liked it.  I like a good comedy horror and this certainly fell into that hole.

I agree that your characters are a bit unbelievable but that's what you get with a comedy horror, especially one like this.  This then wasn't problem for me.  Like Ste though I thought the last scene was a bit out of place, a bit of a stuck on scene to show rose is not in the dish and how Art killed them.  I do think you need to show that he didn't kill his wife but mahybe a bit differently.

Overall though I really enjoyed this and thought it made a good episode.

James,

I loved it!

Descriptions, dialogue, and pacing are all in top form. The dinner party is definitely a gruesome comeuppance, which is why I could easily see the Crypt Keeper bookending a segment like this.

Really great job. I don't usually do this with scripts, but I'm gonna print this one out. I can see myself going back to this story every once in a while. I really enjoyed it.

I tried opening this up, but the font was all Dingbats-y. James, is there a way you can try and send me the original script before you converted it to PDF?

Sean

Hey James, this was a pretty neat gross out script.  I liked the Donner party reference, pretty funny.  I do think the stuff between Art and Rose felt a bit flat, I think that was the weakest part of the script.  Maybe if they were more in the hole, living in the bad side of town in a shithole apartment where they had some more conflict between them, I dunno, their relationship just didn't work for me, but the stuff involving the Donner party was a blast, sick, rude and disgusting.  I think you could trim the final part with Art and Rose where he explains everything, I think you showed us enough that we can put it all together ourselves.

Anyways this was a cool grisly little script.  Good work.

Thanks for reading, everyone. Seems like the characters and ending are the main issues here. I have to admit rehashing a two-year old script was a little difficult, considering I tried to take it in a somewhat new direction than the original. Some things didn't really work out, I guess. Glad it's still a fun read though.

Sean, I'll try to send you the original copy at some point this week, although it's on a USB I seem to have misplaced. I'll have to find it first.

Hey James,

Nicely written little story. I thought you did a great job of taking the story in directions I didn't expect.  I thought the dinner party was pretty funny, I hope you intended that it be amusing.

Touching on some of the earlier crit, I didn't have a problem with the characters.  They weren't exactly believable but they were perfect for a story such as this.   I thought you did an especially good job on the Donner character.

The one thing I would work on is the conflict between Art and Rose.  You spend a lot of time on their first conversation.  Cut some of that and spend the time later escalating the war between them.  We have to believe he is going to kill her and I don't think you quite get us to that point.

Other than that you did a well.

Cheers,

Michael

This one was great I absolutely loved it. It was very clever and had me grinning the whole way.
At first I thought it was a bit of a stretch to have him consider killing his wife but this is very comedic and to me had a similar feel as the movie Dead Alive (aka Brain Dead.) Love the title and the dinner table scene was awesomely disgusting.
Good job with this. I loved it. I don't think I'd change a thing.


-SHAWN