Astonishing by Patrick Sweeney - Short, Horror, Comedy - A spunky young witch and her wisecracking sidekicks uncover an astonishing family secret while battling a zombie apocalypse. Plus, bunnies! 5 pages - pdf, format 8)

This is a rewrite of a shorty I wrote for a MoviePoet contest. I hope you enjoy it, I had fun working on it.

Patrick Sweeney

Hello Patrick,

This is an interesting story.  It made for an entertaining read.  I did feel it ended kinda suddenly.  Jen discovers she has the same power as her grandpa and as soon as she discovers her power the zombies are gone.

I think you could have experimented here by having Jen kill the zombies by accident, where she's trying to get use to her new found powers.  Could of made for a funnier ending.

Other than that, it was funny.

All the best.


Javier

This was a funny, nice story. Probably one of the nicest zombie film/script I've seen/read. Your descriptions were spot-on, and so was the dialogue. It was funny, ha ha. Though I hope you didn't copy your short story word for word. Usually if you want to convert a short story to a script, there's always the opportunity to expand it, like Javier wanted. Add more stuff to Jen's background of being a witch rather than just saying that she's a witch.

The ending was funny. I thought that zombie rabbits would pop out, but the ending was just as good :)

Sean

That's so weird!!!

I just read over the script 'Seven for a Secret' by Brad Huffman-Parent (bradhp) and his opening description reads

'The attic is dusty and barren. A shaft of sunlight from a lone window illuminates a corner. In the corner rests a large trunk'.

Yours starts with

'The attic is dusty and barren. A shaft of sunlight from a lone window illuminates a corner. In the corner rests a large trunk plastered with railway stickers.'

SPOOKY?  or is something going on here?

Anyway on with my review...

A zombie script with no blood and guts, makes a nice change.  I thought this was a nice little script.  The ending was funny with all the rabbits.  Sorry I wanna say more but I'm still freaked by the start lol.

Anyway I liked this.

Quoted from alffy 'The attic is dusty and barren. A shaft of sunlight from a lone window illuminates a corner. In the corner rests a large trunk'...is something going on here?

We have picked up a few more transplants from Movie Poet, Alffy.

Last month's contest was to begin your 5-page script with that opening line.

There will be a few more "trunk" scripts floating around, I suspect, as Z pulled another top-finish over there.

Oh right, I didn't think about that.  So it was a, start with this line kinda thing, got ya.