Superknife! by David Lowery - Short, Spoof - Remember Ginsu knives?  Then say hello to Superknife! 8 pages - doc, format 8)

Hi David,

This feels more like a sketch than a short. You've got the staples of a sketch: Repeated scenes/images, reversal of expectations, irony. What needs to be worked on (pertaining to a sketch), is the Rule of 3 for comedy: "...structure in which a joke is set up, the setup is reinforced, and the punchline breaks the pattern."

As a short, it doesn't work. We have no beginning, middle and end. The characters work for the plot and not the other way around. Finally, for this idea, the length is too long.

Saying that, the writing is good and succinct. The dialogue works for what you're going for. The format is off a little (no Fade In, no caps on character's first intro), but can easily be fixed.

If you can punch up the comedy, work with the 3 rules and shorten it, you can have a nice little sketch on your hands.

Good work.
Stew

It was a cute sketch, but I thought it ran a little long.  You can shorten it by eliminating some of the places you can bring these wonderful knives.  You show five or six examples of where to take the sports knife when only three is needed (three is a magical number in comedy).  Each time you list a place, or list something you can cut with it, knock it down to three.  Keep the best three.

Watch your spacing.  There's a lot of unnecessary blank lines in the script.  By eliminating these, you can probably cut a page off the script.


Phil

Hey man just wanted to put you down with a scoop that could advance your play formatting: Celtx.com. Their offer free, non-proporietary downloadable screenwriting software. You can even write a stage play or TV script with it.

It's FREE and really easy to use. I started using it per the suggestion of another writer on this site. That's really it for now. Hope you find it useful.

- Courhaw