Clashing Brothers by Irving Landin & Angelo Bravo - Short - Clashing Brothers (20 pages) is a story about two long time distinctive brothers, who barely bond with one another, and are reunited due to their father’s recent death. Walter Johnson – A jobless, sarcastic and a melodramatic individual who will do anything to deny reality.  Bruce Johnson- A very well educated, businessman, who recently declared bankruptcy due to a deep financial strain. Once reunited, the brothers tussle over the simplest unnecessary things. Little did they know their father had left a mysterious will under their names. With this mysterious will, their already complicated relationship will be tested even further. - doc, format 8)

Irving & Angelo:

I don't want this to discourage you from continuing to develop as writers, but just about every aspect of this script was off the mark.

The format was close in spots, but mainly incorrect in almost every area.  The margins looked wrong, no colon after character names for dialogue, no extra line after character names for dialogue, and page numbers were in the wrong place, just to name a few problems.  Also, you have way too many actor directions.  Almost every line tells how the line should be read.  This should only be done sparingly, and only when it is ambiguous how the line should be delivered.

Your grammar and proofreading are both very poor.  Typos, spelling errors, and punctuation mistakes are on every page.

The dialogue, I have to say, sounds very childish.  All of these characters, even the lawyer, talk like they are 6 years old.  It is all very "on-the-nose" as the characters all simply blurt out exactly what they are thinking.  There is no subtext, and it sounds unnaturally stilted.  Everyone speaks the same way.  If the character names were removed, there'd be no way to tell these characters apart based on their dialogue alone.

The actions of the characters don't make sense.  The plot of the story doesn't make any sense.  And the resolution doesn't make any sense.  

As much as I tried, I honestly couldn't find anything here I could remark on positively.  Despite this, none of us starts out as good writers (even if we thought so), and it takes time and practice to develop the skills we need to improve at our craft.  Continue to study and learn (both proper use of language, and the elements of storytelling), and most importantly, continue to write.

Thanks for sharing your work, and good luck!