Multi-tasker by Gregory Kerrick (directorg13) - Short, Comedy - Breaking News: If you multi-task on a frequent basis, you will inevitably lower your intelligence level to the point of mental retardation.  13 pages - pdf, format 8)

Interesting read.  Overall, I think this was a pretty good story.  It kept me reading, though I have to admit I was pulled out of the story by the writing a few times.

When I read about the paper being snatched from the frame, I thought it was referring to a picture frame, and I went back to see where I missed that.  I wasn't sure whether Daniel or Adrian was the one laughing.  Daniel's place is first described as an apartment, then as a house.

Your short sentences worked in some places, but I feel like they were confusing or upset the pacing in others.  The dialogue was good throughout, though.

I didn't really buy the masturbation=multi-tasking bit.  Why not just make the news report say that masturbating decreases intelligence?  On a related note, I don't think your logline is very good for this piece.  It's not really what the script is about at all.

I thought it was a bit foolish for Daniel to let Adrian go to the can, knowing that he had a gun.  Too risky.  Maybe you could show that Adrian's gun wasn't loaded after Paul takes it.  I also felt like professional killers would kill in one shot.  You mention a tarp at the end,  but it's not mentioned in the scene description.

While I could appreciate the humor in this, I'm not sure I'd really consider it a comedy.  The tension feels pretty serious for the most part, with what I'd call Tarantino-esque humor.  Though I guess I can't think of another category it'd fit into more appropriately.

Hey Gregory,

I like how the scene played out and the dialog. My problem was the multi-tasking aspect. OK, it's a stretch to call masturbation multitasking. I also think it's a stretch that multitasking makes you dumber. You'd expect the opposite. Heightens problem solving skills, focus... Is this something you actually heard? I don't believe it, personally. Also, there wasn't enough multi-tasking going on in the scene that makes it worth the title. Yea, it's kind of the punch-line, but I expected more to go on. Adrian is there for a specific reason, like Paul and Daniel. There are back stories, but not multiple tasks. I almost felt cheated.

I liked the idea of a "boss" to send a guy out as a hit man but only have him killed (Rocko in Boondock Saints). The idea is nice, clean up some of the details Escapist mentioned, and I would like to see a payoff to the title. Something more interesting than a double-cross.

-kjb.

This was a good script. very well written with niffty visuals in mind.

The eyes pop up between the blinds, stuff like that.

The multi'tasking concept is a cool idea but once you get into the thick of the narrative this is just another hit man try to hit bunch a dope fiend that we have all seen a hundred times before but with a odd attention grabbing conversation thrown in.

Totally agree with the reviewer above that you should have bind the characters up in a prediciment that would of required mulit-tasking to get back out of it.

After I read your script I saw the video below.  Awesome stuff and nicely directed. Looks good  

Multi-Tasker Trailer from Gregory Kerrick on Vimeo.

Hope you like it...

Hey, I'm back to annoy you all with another post on a script no one here cared for. Lol. Here's the finished film:

Multi-Tasker from Gregory Kerrick on Vimeo.

Tell me if you like it. Or if you don't like it. Or if you hate it. I don't care. :)

Nice work, Gregory.

With such an eclectic collection of shorts under your belt like Muti-Tasker to Stillness to Animal Abuse Prevention, you're one to keep an eye on.  I'm expecting much success in your future.


The only criticism I have is that the brothers got away with murder. I personally would've given it one last twist, and when they open to the door to leave their greeted by four Italian Thugs. Cut to black:  Or...something like that. But that's just me.