The Last Night by Matthew Nsubuga (majorgeneral316) - Short - When Poole notices his Master has changed; he goes to Mr. Utterson for help to get to the bottom of the mystery. (based on Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde). 8 pages - pdf, format 8)

Hey thanks for the post,

I did this for an English assignment so that's why there are some camera directions. Anyway I am interested in what people think about this one.

Thanks.

hey Majorgeneral316

First off all your premise or description or whatever you want to call it has stirred some interest, so I'll take a looksee.

Error in the first Action line. you have an extra 'from"

Some people here don't like when camera directions are added it, but having read a few scripts like it I don't mind.

Error page 2, UTTRSON "What are you afraid?"  

Error page 4 -Poole’s hand’s shake,

Error page 4, iS

error page 4 POOLE .....I want you to here,......

The writing and action was well done aside from the few errors, As far as the sotry goes, im confused. What going on?

They go from the mansion, to the garden, back into the mansion pointlessly. I have not read the Dr. Jeckle and Mr. Hyde story, so maybe that's why i don't understand it.


I have a short coming up soon titled The Inside Out if you want to give it a quick read and reply, thanks.

And now, since the evening hour approaches eight, I switch the television set from PBS to ABC and view LOST.

At first the dialogue was hard for me to read, and speak. About midway, it seemed easier to speak. Very proper, eh? 'Ceptin for that contraction you employed.

I was able to follow well and certainly found the dialogue most interesting. Being a product of the USA, properly weaned on sugar and high fructose corn syrup, I can only hope to speak and write proper English.

Nice scene. Reminded me of Holmes and Watson. Should fit in a larger piece, should it not?

Hey, thanks for the read.

Hey Lightfoot, I can tell you haven't read by the way you spell Dr. Jekyll. This script is a shortened version of the chapter "the last night" in the book of "strange case of dr. jekyll and mr hyde".

(SPOILERS)
But it focuses on Utterson and Poole trying to get to the bottom of a mystery. At the beginning Poole goes to Utterson for help to find who is hiding in his masters room. Then go the mansion, and thats when they try to get to the bottom of it. Try reading it again, maybe it will help.

When your short comes up, I will definetly give it a read.

Hey cloroxmartini,

I'm happy you found the dialogue interesting. I wanted to keep it as true to the book as possible.

I'm not looking to increase this but I may write scripts from other parts of the novel.

Again thanks for reading.

I didn't really like it.  It felt stilted and flat, and nothing very interesting happens.  You're trying to make a complete story from a fragment, and it doesn't really work.  This is a problem I've been noticing with a lot of shorts lately.

I think you need to identify a story you want to tell rather than simply translating a certain number of pages of prose into a script.  Who's story am I supposed to be seeing here?  Why am I interested?

I've read the book, but if you hadn't actually used the names Jekyll and Hyde, I'm pretty certain I never would've made the connection.

Thanks for reading escapist ,

I didn't want this story to have anything to do with Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde but more about the friendship between Utterson and Poole. I wanted to create a sense of tension and uncertainty though the actions of both characters.

Thanks for reading it and too bad you didn't like it. Again, this was an English assignment I actually did quite well in so thats why I wanted to share it. But I do understand most of your points and why it could seem boring.