Forbidden Love by Neil Starr - Short, Drama - Two star crossed lovers from opposed cultures, struggle in the face of prejudice and bigotry to have a loving relationship, which, ultimately ends in tragedy. 37 pages - pdf, format 8)

Did you look at your story before sending it in? There is no title, author, or anything on the first page for that matter. All the spaces that are supposed to be filled in with your words have nothing. I know the writer's name and title is on the second page, but why keep the first page anyway?

As I said to another user earlier, the camera parts have to be removed. It is very hard to read story while it is being directed as well.

I thought the story was okay. It kind of had a non-hollywood ending that I liked, but I didn't love it. The only complaints I have are what I said above.

Hey neil,
Being new here, I see the same mistakes I have made in your work. I will point out a couple if I may.

The opening lines are way to long. Shorten them up to 2 or three lines each.

To many uses of parantheticals. That is explaining emotion etc...

You are putting action lines where paranthicals go. Action such as he points north should start on the left hand side of the page and not be in ( ).

Just a couple of things I caught on the fly. Take care and good writing.

LED.....><