The Trojan Gambit by Steve Chase - Action - America is under terrorist attack. Suicide bombers are blowing up high profile and innocent people all over the country. The FBI has to put and end to it, but they have neither terrorists nor clues. Enter Special Agent Caroline Jensen. 124 pages - pdf, format 8)

To the writer...

Your logline needs work. Your going to be pretty hard pressed to get anyone to look at this.

Will forego all the grammical errors.  Mispelled words, try spell check, I hear it works.

Your missing some EXT. and INT. shots.

Super title:  What is that?  I'm sure you must mean, SUPERIMPOSE: or just SUPER will do.

1. Your action lines should be no more then four lines, not six and seven. Some of your action lines are all CAPITALIZED as well.  Why? Undo it.

2. When you first introduced your characters, you've already established the fact their Special Agents.  No need to keep repeating it.  We get it.

3. Everything in your script is WE SEE, or WE HEAR, or THE CAMERA MOVES SLOWLY. Unless your an accomplished screenwriter or director don't do this. You have to be creative in your writing.

Example: This is from your script... Page 22

INT. T.V. NEWS BROADCAST - CONTINUOUS

We hear beating of drums and we see the news anchor waiting to be introduces.

It's common throughout.

I just glanced at your script to point out a few things.  Needless to say, you've got some work too do.

But why do I think your, "ONE OF THOSE."  The one's that drop off scripts on SS door step and never to be heard from again.

Good Luck,

Ghostwriter 22

Chase,

I stand corrected.  Your not "one of those."

Thanks for proving me wrong.

After you make your revisions, I'll read the whole script regardless and give you feedback.

Good luck too you.

Ghostwriter 22

This is the revised version. Opinions welcome.