Guilt by Kim Britt (screen dreamer) - Horror, Supernatural, Thriller, Drama - When a lonely housewife is haunted by her recently deceased goddaughter, she realizes the child's spirit may want something from her that she is not willing or able to give. 94 pages - pdf, format 8)

i normally don't like supernatural horror flicks, but this one has left me intrigued.  i read it all in one sitting!  (which is hard to do, because i normally read these scripts during work, lol).

the suspense was superbly executed.  it was evenly paced and def. leaving me wanting to know what happens next.  

the toggling in between nightmare and reality -- i can imagine myself trying to write this and it would just come out clumsy.  

there were a few mistakes and typos:

pg. 24--"...sees Gabe (Vince) across the lawn..."
p. 46   " he pulls her into his arms..."  i think you had "has"
pg. 53 - "...it shouldn't be effecting her like this..."  shouldn't it be affecting?  i know effect can be a verb, but i dont' think it works in this context -- or maybe i just need to get schooled.

one thing that did kinda pop out at me was the haunting image of chelsea, esp. the one where she's sopping wet.  it kinda screams, "the ring."  

i think your biggest strength is that all your stories seem to have a nice structure to it, like your exposition doesn't span 30 pages, or that the end abruptly resolves itself.  there's a smooth arc in your writing.  

i know with me, i spend a great deal of time trying to build up the story and once i get to the climax, i scurry to get the damn piece to end, lol!  

i don't detect much of a weakness in your writings, but then again, i don't think i'm as critical as some of the ones on  here.  i did notice that characters in this piece are similar to those in your other feature film, "better to have loved.." but i don't think most will catch onto that, but i do think it's something to consider.

and even in "donor daddy," there's that "other guy" element.

when you upload your stories, just keep in mind that there will be people who are drawn to your writing and will tune in for your next script, so you want your stories have a distinct identity.  

Hey, thanks for giving this one a read, too.  I'm glad you liked it.  As far as "The Ring" thing, yeah, I knew it would have a similar feel.  Not sure what I can do to fix that, as the water part is pretty integral considering she drowned.  I was sort of hoping the fact that my child was younger and blond and more angelic looking that it would set it apart from the child in The Ring.

As for the similarities of my characters, I totally know what you mean.  I tend to write from my life and those are the themes and personalities I can most identify with, if that makes sense.  But I'll definitely keep that in mind and try harder to set them apart.

Thanks again for reading.  I was worried this one was gonna go un-read.  Now I at least have one opinion ;)

Kim

I love a screenplay that has an easy flow. The pacing was excellent. Your characters are very believable and you capture emotions well. Excellent job!

I read this from beginning to end, so for me, that's how I know I'm reading a great script. You have a great writing style.

I'm looking forward to reading more of your work. :)

Thank you so much.  That really means a lot!  I've got lots of other scripts up, if you're looking.  Two comedies, Donor Daddy and Interesting Strangers.  A drama, Better To Have Loved.  Another horror, quite a ways down by now, I'm guessing, called The Immortal.  And a short called Full Moon.  I should probably set up my signature with links.  I'll have to figure out how, first lol

Thanks again,

Kim