261(a)pc - Print Topic

Posted by: Don, August 23rd, 2009, 9:30am

261(a)pc by Ismael Gonzalez - Short - Four friends kinapp the man who raped there friend. 19 pages - pdf, format 8)

Posted by: Ophelia, August 24th, 2009, 9:53pm; Reply: 1

Wierd script, pretty bad formatting and plenty of typos.
When you say '$900.0 more', write it out, so we know how she actually says it..
what key trick?  would u mean using a card to jimmy the door?
Theres a jumper cable box in the kitchen?  That's a pretty high speed way of torturing someone for amateurs.

Not sure about the story, what exactly were you going for?  Is it supposed to just be a revenge bit about torturing the guy?  Also a lot of the 'street' lingo falls pretty flat.  What's happening on the screen throughout the extended creepy monologue at the end?

Posted by: elis, August 24th, 2009, 10:14pm; Reply: 2

I am afraid to read this...

After Ophelia's comment and the two spelling errors in your one line synopsis, I think I will wait for a rewrite.

Your synopsis is as important as your script.
Most producers will not go past it, especially if it is cluttered with spelling mistakes.

Sorry :(

Posted by: lalaindahouse, August 25th, 2009, 2:18pm; Reply: 3

not only did i notice a few mispelled words in the logline, but some egregious grammar in the script.

logline: kidnap, THEIR

use active verbs: lydia SINGS, someone STANDS, someone LISTENS.

Posted by: albinopenguin, August 27th, 2009, 12:19am; Reply: 4

I'm really sorry but I can't get past the grammar and spelling errors in this script. In addition, the formating is all wrong.

My advice is to read a lot of the scripts posted on this board and learn from them. Formatting can be quite easy- once you get the hang of it. Until then, people won't respond seriously to your work.

So read, read, read, and keep writing! When you edit this script, please let me know. I'd be more than happy to take a look at it.

Posted by: elis, August 27th, 2009, 7:20am; Reply: 5

I've noticed most of us are telling you the same thing.
I feel that a good mention should be added.

You have taken the time to write a script and I think that is terrific.
You must have enjoyed it too. You have some ideas that will work .

Is English your primary language?
Sometimes it is difficult to transit expressions and grammar when it is not your maternal tongue. English is my second language and I still make grammatical errors.

Please don't give up, I think it takes time for all things and I look forward to reading this as soon as you attempt a rewrite
Keep writing :)